Roy
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The Roy
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Post by Roy on Apr 24, 2009 7:38:09 GMT -5
Scrappy Joe turns up outside a 5star Hotel somewhere in Vegas, a gift from Samantha Swift for winning the Hardcore Championship. Joe has on his usual grubby attire with his Hardcore title strapped around his waist and a little plastic bag over his shoulder which we assume is a change of clothes for the next day but who knows.
He takes out a little piece of paper with the address of the Hotel written on it.
Hmmmm, it's the right place.
Scrappy walks up the steep marble stairs and into the hotel and is immediately followed by two security guards
Scrappy walks over to the reception desk and gets an appalled look from the stiff receptionist.
Hi, I’m eh have a room booked for tonight under the name of Samantha Swift
The stuck up women just looks at Joe for a minute then begins click through her computer screen. She looks up in surprise then quickly looks down again
She mumbles something to herself
Name?
Joe
Hmmm, OK your room is upstairs Mr. eh Joe
This nice man will accompany you
A butler walks in from the side and looks just like Alfred from Batman, very straight and clean looking with a small grin on his face.
Welcome Sir
Suddenly a man from behind Joe grabs his leather jacket
Reaction takes over as Joe turns as quick as a cat and nails the man square in the face knocking him across the room and through an expensive oak table knocking him out cold.
What the Hell you doin’ man?
SIR! It’s OK, he works with us
OH! Eh sorry about that
Its OK Sir we’ll get that cleaned up
The butler clicks his fingers and a group of smartly dressed men come running and clean up the mess made by the KO’d worker. Two minutes later he’s gone and the place is as clean as it was when Joe arrived.
This way Sir
The butler walks on up the stairs with Joe following closely behind.
He picks up a small vase and puts it in his plastic bag on the way upstairs
*TOP OF THE STAIRS*
The Butler opens the door to Scrappy’s room
There you are Sir, may I show you around?
Yeah sure
The Butler picks up a box of Cuban Cigars and offers one to Joe. He reaches in with his hand and takes them all.
The Butler chuckles then picks up a bottle of aged Scotch and a glass
Now we’re talking Jeeves
The Butler pours a small drop of the Whiskey and offers it to Joe. Scrappy looks at him then grabs the bottle
Cheers!
He clanks the bottle against the glass and takes a huge swig from the bottle
Yes, quite right Sir.
The butler puts down the glass as Joe continues to steal objects from around the room putting them in his bag and any pockets he can find.
Sir, you don’t need to steal everything, it’s all yours anyway.
I ain’t touched anything Jeeves
Sir, may I take your clothes?
Hey! I knew something funny was happening here. I don’t know what you’ve heard about me mate but I ain’t sleeping with you.
The butler laughs
No Sir, I have drawn you a bath. It’s ready for you and there’s a robe in the bathroom that you can change into.
Ah! Eh Ok then.
Scrappy goes into the bathroom and begins to sing as he strips and throws his clothes to Jeeves.
Champagne, Sir?
YEAH!
Jeeves picks a bottle and a glass from the fridge and holds it up to the door; Joe’s hand comes through and grabs the whole bottle.
Jeeves just looks at the glass
How silly of me
He then takes a pair of tongs and picks up Joe’s clothes keeping them at arm’s lengths.
I will take your garments to be cleaned Sir.
Yeah, but take care of them they were very Expensive
Of course Sir.
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Roy
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The Roy
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Post by Roy on Apr 24, 2009 11:04:09 GMT -5
Scrappy is sitting in the bath tub but is becoming bored and begins to fidget with the buttons on the tub. All of a sudden the jacuzzi turns on which causes Scrappy to jump out the tub in shock
What the Hell is that? JEEEEEEEEVES!
The butler opens the door calmly and walks in
You yelled Sir.
Jeeves can you get me a pen and paper, I got an idea Certainly Sir.
5mins later Jeeves returns with Scrappy's freshly washed clothes plus a pen and paper.
Sir, if I may, there is a robe on the door handle you could have used to dry yourself instead of the Persian tiger rug.
It's cool Jeeves, this feels better. Thanks for the clothes
Scrappy takes the pen and paper and quickly scribbles something down.
Here you are Jeeves. I would like you to go down to the VCW arena and hang this in the Locker room. I'll have my clothes now
Jeeves looks at the piece of paper:
Scrappy Joe invites you to join him at the Wynn Hotel
Room 912
Lots of booze and lots of gambling
starts ASAP,
scrappy
Jeeves looks up in shock
As you wish Sir
(TBC by anybody up for a party)
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Post by Juan Hefe on Apr 24, 2009 12:26:09 GMT -5
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Legend: "Filthy" Rich Burton Barry Knight Ted Tsavales Juan Hefe Eats Like Tsavales ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Twenty Minutes Later, the Lobby of the Wynn Hotel...
Sledgehammer Justice walk into the lobby, clutching their sledgehammers. Within seconds, "Filthy" Rich Burton spots a perky looking hostess and walks over to her, pinching her bottom. The stewardess promptly turns around and slaps the rotund grappler in the face. Burton rubs his cheek smiling.
"Hey baby, hate the game, not the player!"
The hostess stomps her foot and walks away without saying anything else. Burton is about to go after her when Barry Knight places a hand on his shoulder and holds him back.
"Chas'n'Dave it for later, yer animal."
"Good idea, Bar'. You sure this is the place? The invitation was sort of vague."[/color]
"Well, we've done five different 'otels wiv Win in their names, right, this 'as ter be the bloody one. Crikey, it's 'oole name is Wynn. "
Ted Tsavales and Juan Hefe walk in shortly afterwards. As usual, Tsavales is eating. This time, it is a calzone.
"Man, this is the most delicious calzone I've EVER had!"
"It's also the messiest. You got tomato sauce all over Eats Like Tsavales's seats!"
Eats Like Tsavales walks into the hotel as if on cue.
"Hey, don't worry about it HEFE. It's TED'S gimmick to eat all the time."
"Gimmick nothing Eee El Tee, we aren't even on camera."
Tsavales puts away the rest of the calzone and fetches a moist towelette from his fanny pack.
"The boss has got a point Eee El Tee! I just like to eat is all. Speaking of which, I'm still hungry, see you guys in a bit."
Tsavales sprints away from the group in the direction of the all you can eat buffet.
Hefe is about to say something witty when someone claps him on the shoulder...
(OOC: To be continued by anybody...)
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Roy
Moderator
The Roy
Posts: 448
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Post by Roy on Apr 28, 2009 6:32:19 GMT -5
BOO! hehe
Oh crap! Dan what the Hell you doin here?
I found the invite Sweetie and now the party can really begin
Hey! wait a minute how come I didn't get a room? I'm the new Las Vegas Champion. what the Hell?
Look at my belt Hefe it's really shiny...and big!
Dan grabs Hefe's face and pushes it down to his crotch
you see it darling?
AHHHHH! Yeah, yeah it's very nice
Righto Ho, where's the partay at?
Dan raps his arm around Hefe who lifts it straight back off again
Up in Scrappy Joe's room I believe.
I'm going to wreck that useless homeless guys room tonight
That's great Darling. Byyyyyye!
Dan sees some booze and skips towards it as Hefe grasps his hands together with a sinister grin on his face
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Post by Juan Hefe on Apr 28, 2009 7:12:05 GMT -5
Burton saddles up to Hefe and points to the retreating figure of "Fabulous" Dan Francisco.
"That fruit bothering you Hefe? You want Bar' and I to send him a message?"
Hefe shakes his head and grabs a peanut from the bowl on the front desk.
"Yes actually and I'm happy you bring that up."
"Whyfore?"
"Could you and Bar' go up to Scrappy's room and rough him and Francisco up a little for me?"
"Sure, any reason?"
"Well, would you agree with me that Ryan Bowdridge is one of the top stars in VCW?"
"Without a shadow of a doubt."
"So then, would it not behoove us to hitch ourselves to his wagon as it were, to climb up the ladder that much quicker?"
Burton pops a handful peanuts in his mouth and chews them while he thinks about his next reply.
"Your theory is sound Hefe, but let me just give ya a word of warning."
"Shoot."
"Once you're at the top, there ain't noplace to go but down. You catchin' me?"
Hefe claps Burton on the shoulder just as a pissed off Ryan Bowdridge enters the lobby of the hotel still wearing his ring gear and the VCW Heavyweight Championship belt around his waist.
"Wise words Rich. And speak of the devil... Ryan! Over here!"
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Post by Juan Hefe on Apr 28, 2009 20:18:54 GMT -5
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Legend: Random Wynn Hotel Buffet Staff Member Ted Tsavales Eats Like Tsavales "The Pain Train" Bill Dallas Barry Knight "Filthy" Rich Burton ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The Wynn Hotel Buffet...
In line at the Wynn Hotel buffet with another plate full of food, Ted Tsavales doesn't notice the looks of horror and disbelief directed his way by the staff.
"Sir! You have to give us a break sir! That's your 10th plate of food!"
Tsavales takes a bite from a chicken wing he was about to put in his plate.
"SCRONCH! What's your point? SCRONCH!"
"My point is that you're eating your way through the remainder of our April food budget! If I wasn't so morbidly fascinated, I'd go get some of our security staff to put the boots to you!"
"SCRONCH! You do that. Meanwhile, I'm going to go over there and sit with my buddy to watch that motivational speaker fella. Hey Eee El Tee!"
At the other end of the buffet, and causing just as much budgetary damage, Eats Like Tsavales looks up and places another huge spoonful of mashed yams on his plate.
"What is UP, my friend?"
"Our time at the buffet! SCRONCH! Apparently we're eating these guys out of business!"
A loud gurgle emanates from Eats Like Tsavales's stomach, startling several old ladies nearby.
"Pardon ME, ladies! Let's go TED, I think my body is telling me I cannot put anymore FOOD in before some FOOD comes out!"
"To the show!"
Plates full of food, Tsavales and Eats Like Tsavales amble over to the half-empty auditorium where a large african american man is pacing onstage. He is wearing an unbuttoned shirt that looks like a million bucks, about 10 pounds worth of gold chains around his neck and football black mark underneath his eyes. The sparse crowd that bothered showing up get to their feet and start singing along with their host for the night as he belts out the song they've been listening to for the past hour on the speakers: "Climb Aboard the Pain Train".
With ferocious speed and surprising agility, "The Pain Train" leaps over one of the speakers on the stage and shoulder blocks the podium that is standing there, shattering it into a million pieces.
"THAS RIGHT HONKEYS!!! YOU PAID YO MONEY AND NOW I'S HERE TO DELIVER THA GOODS!!! WOO WOO!!!!"
A man in the front row claps politely and sits down before anyone else. This is a critical mistake. Pain Train's eyes lock on to the premature sitter.
"GET UP AND CHEER ME FOO'! THIS AIN'T NO COUNTRY CLUB!"
The man shrinks as far as he can go into his seat but when the Pain Train seeks you out, there is nowhere you can hide. In a flash, the former football player leaps down to the auditorium floor and grabs the man by the collar of his shirt, lifting him up off the ground.
"Please Pain Train sir! I meant no offence!"
"FOO'! YO MERE PRESENCE OFFENDS ME! NOW DROP DOWN AND GIVE ME TWENTY!"
As the man struggles in "The Pain Train's" grasp, another conference member speaks up on the microphone.
"Leef the bleedin' On The Floor Fillet Of Cod Jack Jones Jack and Jill, 'e doesn't mean ya any 'arm."
"The Pain Train" tosses his victim into the 5th row and turns towards the voice.
"WHO IN THE NINE BLAZIN HELLS DARE INTERRUPT THE PAIN TRAIN?!?!?"
Barry Knight gets up from his seat and starts walking down the aisle with "Filthy" Rich Burton following closely behind. "The Pain Train" cracks a smile and adjusts his shirt.
"Well well well, look what the cat dragged in. Ladies and gentlemen! SLEDGEHAMMER JUSTICE!!!"
The crowd (who are all still on their feet) cheers, but not loudly enough for "The Pain Train".
"I SAID LADIES AND GENTLEMEN SLEDGEHAMMER JUSTICE!!!"
The crowd explodes into a raucous cheer as Knight and Burton acknowledge them. The duo begins walking up to the stage until they are face to face with their former fellow VCW independent contractor.
"So what you been up to Dallas? You up for some action?"
"Action? YOU CALLIN' ME OUT FAT MAN?!?"
Knight steps in between his tag-team partner and the hulking, easily enraged "Pain Train".
" Ham and Cheesy there big fella, we're just 'ere ter clock if you're ready ter Crust of Bread Hammer and Tack ter the bloody bright Ian Wrights."
"The Pain Train" blinks a few times until he snaps his head past Knight's to look at Burton.
"DECIPHA FOO'!"
"Bar' is just sayin' that we're headin' back to VCDubbya. Kick some ass and whatnot. You in?"
"The Pain Train" looks around him at all of the people who paid good money to hear him speak and shrugs his shoulders.
"You guys are right, it's been too damn long. ALL ABOARD!!! WOO WOO!!!"
The three men start walking down the aisle of the auditorium to the cheers of all the attendees. Once at the end of the seats, they are intercepted by Ted Tsavales and Eats Like Tsavales.
"Pain Train! I love your work!"
"The Pain Train" shoves Tsavales down to the ground and is restrained by both members of Sledgehammer Justice before he can do any more damage.
"STEP OFF ME FOO'! I SAID NO AUTOGRAPHS!"
Eats Like Tsavales helps Tsavales up while Burton and Knight continue trying to calm Dallas down.
"Never mind him Train, he's with us."
"WIT' CHOO?!? SPLAIN!"
"Not here." says Burton, looking towards the approaching hotel security guards. "Come on, let's go up to the party and I'll explain everythin'."
"PARTY?!? LEAD THE WAY!"
The five men exit the buffet room (with "Pain Train" in the lead, dancing and strutting) and head towards the elevator.
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Post by Juan Hefe on Apr 29, 2009 6:59:15 GMT -5
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Legend: Juan Hefe "Filthy" Rich Burton Barry Knight "The Pain Train" Bill Dallas Ted Tsavales Eats Like Tsavales ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
At the Elevators...
Juan Hefe spots "Filthy" Rich Burton walking towards him accompanied by Ted Tsavales, Eats Like Tsavales, Barry Knight and a large african american man.
"Where the hell have you been Rich? Ryan just up and ignored me completely. For all I know, he's already up there getting into it with Scrappy Joe and Fab Dan!"
"Cool it Hefe! When Bar' and I started walking towards the elevators, we saw a sign saying that 'The Pain Train' Bill Dallas was doing a motivational speech here tonight and I thought to myself 'Rich, didn't Hefe say he wanted to meet this guy?'."
"S'truth! Yer did say that guvnah!"
A lightbulb goes off in Hefe's head as he finally associates the larger than life mountain of a man standing in front of him with the picture of that same man on the billboard he'd seen during the VCW PUB CRAWL 2K9 fiasco.
"Oh, right!" says Hefe, grabbing "The Pain Train's" hand to shake it. "It's a real pleasure to meet you mr. Dallas!"
"The Pain Train" rips his hand out of Hefe's grip and cocks his arm back to punch him out.
"YOU KIDDING ME HONKY?!? DON'T YOU EVAH! SHAKE THE PAIN TRAIN'S HAND AGAIN UNLESS IT IS OFFERED TO YOU!"
Hefe scurries behind Tsavales, fearful for his life.
"My apologies mr. Dallas, won't happen again!"
"The Pain Train" adjusts his shirt collar and does a disco spin.
"Better not foo'! Pain Train ain't here to make friends, he's here to boogey down and put the hurt on clowns! DIG IT! WOO WOO!"
Rich Burton claps his hands together and pushes the elevator 'up' button.
"Alrighty then! What floor is this party on Hefe?"
"Ninth floor, room 912."
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Roy
Moderator
The Roy
Posts: 448
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Post by Roy on Apr 29, 2009 8:12:52 GMT -5
Just as Hefe and his crew walk down the Hall to Scrappy's room the door opens and out walks the man himself in a bathrobe and with his Hardcore Title round his waist and a bottle of whiskey in his hand.
Oh crap!
Listen Jeeves, tell Dan to let those waiters go and get his ass out here now! And can you get our stuff together?
Certainly Sir.
Jeeves goes back in the room to get Dan as Scrappy takes off his Bathrobe which reveals he is still wearing his usual ripped jeans.
meanwhile Hefe and his massive crew are edging closer to Scrappy
Terrified waiters come flying out of the room in a panic trying to escape from Fab Dan who follows closely behind wearing only speedo's and his Las Vegas title
I'm gonny get you! hehe. Run boys, RUN from Big Dan
AAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Dan notices the half dozen wrestlers about to cave his face in
He backs off and joins Scrappy at the end of the corridor.
Let's do this baby!
Scrappy throws his robe over the face of Knight and smashes his whiskey bottle over the head of Burton as Dan dives at Dallas causing them to fall through a door and into a random room. The scared occupants run screaming down the hall as the mass brawl takes over.
Scrappy and Dan do well in holding their own but eventually the numbers take over and both Champions end up on the floor taking a beating from everybody.
Scrappy manages to dodge a punch from Dallas making his hand smash a fire alarm which screeches through the building.
Sh!t, Let's get out of here guys
Scrappy and Dan lie blooded and battered on the floor
YOU LUCKY FOO'!!!
as Hefe and crew leave quietly down the stairs Dan and Joe get back to their feet
Just like the old days
Oh! Darling that hurt. Why are you smiling sweetie?
'cause Dan, I got this
Scrappy holds up a platinum credit card
This is Hefe's Credit Card Dan
Hehe! it's time to party!
Jeeves walks out from the room with the belongings of Scrappy and Dan
Jeeves, here is your payment for tonight and after that I want hire you full time.
OK Sir
Scrappy gives Jeeves the card
This should cover it
Now take us to the most expensive Club you know
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Post by Juan Hefe on Apr 29, 2009 9:20:59 GMT -5
Hefe glances back at the rest of his crew following him down the stairs.
"I don't get it, how in the hell did Scrappy know we were coming up to cave his face in?"
"I don't know, but I owe that little bastard a beating for the ages!"
Eats Like Tsavales points to Hefe's ripped up jean pocket.
"HEFE, did you lose something?"
Hefe feels the rip in his jeans and scrambles around furiously, looking for something.
"My wallet! I lost my wallet in all that confusion! Come on! Back up the stairs!"
Ted Tsavales grabs Hefe in a fireman's carry and continues walking down the stairs.
"What the hell are you doing Ted? We gotta go back up there and get my wallet!"
"Nuh uh boss. Can't you hear the fire alarm? We gotta get outt here!"
Rich Burton pulls Hefe off of Tsavales's shoulder.
"You goddamn loon! We're the ones who started that alarm! Bar' and I will go back up and get your wallet Hefe. The rest of you get down there and try to stop Scrappy and Fab Dan from leaving this place!"
Barry Knight punches his palm.
"Im gonna knock that bloody fruit fairy daffy dahn dilly! S'truth!"
Hefe's pack splits up, with Sledgehammer Justice heading back up to the ninth floor and everyone else, Bill Dallas included, heading down.
"So Bill, you interested in signing a VCW contract with me as your manager...?"
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Post by Juan Hefe on May 2, 2009 19:15:23 GMT -5
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Legend: "Filthy" Rich Burton Barry Knight Jebediah Cooter Cletus ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Back on the Ninth Floor...
Sledgehammer Justice emerge from the stairwell and immediately head for room 912, looking for Hefe's wallet as they do so. The fire alarm is still ringing quite loudly.
"Damn it Bar' we can't hear ourselves think up here!"
"We didn't come up 'ere ter ffink Rich, right, we came up 'ere ter find the bloomin' boss's wallet. Now cop to lookin'!"
"Quit bein' so naive Bar'. We came up here to give Hefe a chance to talk to Dallas about signing a contract with him. His wallet's probably in Ted's fanny pack right now."
"Yer sure about that Rich?"
"Positive. Now come on, let's go raid Scrappy's bar fridge and get the hell out of here."
The elevator at the end of the hall dings, causing both members of Sledgehammer Justice to swing their heads in its direction.
"Were you expectin' anybody Bar'?"
"Nope. I'll get out me spoons. Maybe it's the guvnah and 'is brand new client."
"Pfffft. Hefe's lucky if he isn't getting wailed on by Dallas at this point."
The elevator doors finally open, revealing Jebediah, Cooter and Cletus.
"Whar's th' party at fellas?"
Burton points to room 914.
"In there you cotton pickin' morons."
Cooter charges into the door, bringing it down.
"My name is Cooteh 'n I habe come t' party down."
A booming voice from inside the room brings the rotund redneck's rampage to a halt...
(OOC: To be continued by anyone...)
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Post by Juan Hefe on May 5, 2009 18:37:32 GMT -5
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Legend: Juan Hefe "The Pain Train" Bill Dallas Ted Tsavales Eats Like Tsavales ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Outside the Wynn Hotel... "So Bill, about that contract, you interested?"
"Hell no honky! I'm just gonna call Swift up and get somethin' done with her. Business man to Badonkadonk Business lady! WOO WOO!"
Ted puts his hands together in a pleading gesture. "But Bill! Imagine if you were part of our stable! We could have so much fun together!"
"The Pain Train" puts an arm around Ted's neck and gives him a noogy.
"Hey baby, I'll still be part of the fun! I just won't be giving that honky any percentage of my earnings! Ya diggin' me?" Hefe pulls out a brochure and hands it over to Dallas.
"Signing up with me is about more than just the ten percent fee I'm going to be charging you! It's about Pain Train t-shirts and Best Of DVDs! It's about going for promotional tours to Mexico!"
"Puerto Rico!"
"JAPAN!"
"And the UK! Think about it man! VCW is only a once a week gig!"
"The Pain Train" flips through the brochure quickly and then hands it back to Hefe.
"Honky, I already got all a dat! Plus I gots da Top 40 in my sights!"
Ted and Eats Like Tsavales begin singing exhuberantly.
"ARE YOU READY VEGAS!!!"
"WOO WOO!!!"
"THE PAIN TRAIN IS HERE TO SHAKE YOU UP..."
"...AND THROW YOU DOWN!!!"
"ALL ABOOOOOOOOOOOOOARD!!!"
"WOO WOO!!! See honky, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!" Hefe becomes pensive and walks away from his mates. With his boss gone, Ted moves in close to the "Pain Train".
"Finally! I thought he'd never leave!"
"Sup my brotha from anotha motha?"
"I want you to manage my career mr. Pain Train sir!"
"Me TOO!"
"What career?"
"Aaaah!" "Aaaah!" "Jeebus honky! Don't scare me like dat, you coulda died!"
"Sorry fellas, but I have a keen ear when someone I've known forever goes behind my back and stabs me repeatedly!"
"Boss! It ain't like that! Honest! Eee El Tee and I were just thinking of joining the Major League Eating uh... league."
"And we NEED a MANAGER!"
"The Pain Train" smiles widely and takes both Tsavales and Eats Like Tsavales by the shoulders.
"Fellas! I'd be pickled tink to serve as your manager! Come over to my office!"
The trio walk away from Hefe and towards a humongous stretch Hummer. The side of the beast has a picture of "The Pain Train" lying on his side, seemingly naked. "The Pain Train" opens the front door and pulls out two pieces of paper and a pen.
"Here you go fellas, sign these and we are in bidness!"
Hefe walks over to the Hummer, fuming.
"Hold on just a second there Ted. Let me read those over before you sign anything."
"The Pain Train" steps in front of Hefe and stares him down.
"One mo' step equals yo ass honky. Ya feelin' me?"
Hefe backs away, sulking.
"Ten four big fella. Well, I hope you fellas are happy. With all this nonsense about contracts, Scrappy Joe and Fab Dan are probably in Los Angeles by now!"
Eats Like Tsavales pulls out his Palm Pilot and after a few key presses, shows it to Hefe.
"Nonsense HEFE. There still in town."
"Where are they?"
"PT's Pub."
"Not that place again!"
"What's wrong with that place HEFE?"
"Long story. Ted can fill you fellas in on the way there."
"Mind if I tag along boys?"
"Not at all, in fact, I was gonna ask if you could take Ted and Eee El Tee there in your Hummer."
"Fo sho! Where you gonna be at?"
Hefe points a thumb back to the Wynn Hotel.
"I'm gonna go back in there and get Rich and Barry."
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Post by RyanBow412 on May 5, 2009 21:37:45 GMT -5
Cooter stops dead in his tracks, as a giant boot flies at his face, knocking him back out the door. Water storms out of the room, and picks the massive redneck up. He holds the big man up by his overall and gets right in his face.
"With my apartment getting fumigated, not being able to get ANY of my stuff, and being stuck in a hotel that doesn't even have porn, this is the LAST thing I needed right now. I drank that mini-bar dry and now I'm ready to kick some ass!"
He throws Cooter to the side, plowing over Jebediah.
"Fry THAT hide!"
Cletus tries to sneak away, but the porn-deprived behemoth runs over and stops him with a single hand to the chest.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I-"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE YOU'RE GOING!"
Water puts his arm around the last remaining backwater boy, lifts him up and gives him a Rock Bottom! He gets at Cletus's shoulders, rips off an imaginary elbow pad, swings his arms and bolts down the hallway. About 30 seconds later he turns and starts running back, jumping over Cletus and going the other way. He comes back about 40 seconds later and delivers a People's Elbow, making Cletus bounce up. Water gets up, dusts himself off, and goes back into his room, slamming the door.
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Post by Juan Hefe on May 6, 2009 18:57:00 GMT -5
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Legend: "Filthy" Rich Burton Barry Knight Water Juan Hefe ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Ninth Floor of the Wynn Hotel...
"Filthy" Rich Burton looks at the destroyed rednecks and then back to Barry Knight.
"What the hell just happened Bar'?"
"I 'ave no idea Rich, but it sure 'ave a looks like Puddles decided 'e weren't gonna play nice wiv the Backwater Fellas."
Burton knocks on the door to room 914.
"Hey! Water, you in there?"
The door to the room swings open violently. Burton leaps back, for fear he will also get beat down. When nothing happens, Burton walks into the room a little further and is shocked by what he sees. Every last inch of carpet is covered in filth. The bed, desk and nightstand are shattered. Each and every tile in the bathroom has been pried off and smashed against the wall. Water stands with his back to the door, staring out the window at the Vegas lights.
"Hey Water? You ok man?"
Water sighs deeply.
"Yeah Rich, I'm just peachy."
Barry Knight walks into the room and whistles when he sees all the damage.
"Holy muvver of God Puddles! Yer tore this place apart! Oi!"
"Is there a law against tearing places apart Bar'? Remember that tour of Puerto Rico we did with Hefe back in eighty-nine? We damn near destroyed San Juan!"
"Yeah, right, that were quite the bloody trip." says Knight, smiling.
Water turns around and walks toward the television, the only appliance in the room that has not been destroyed.
"I guess that's what's buggin' me fellas. Whenever things go bad for either of you, you have each other. I used to have Ryan, but our feud put paid to our friendship."
Burton walks over to Water and puts a hand on his shoulder.
"You know what Water?"
"What?"
"You can hang with Barry and I whenever you want. Ryan'll come around when he comes around."
Water stands without saying a word for a long time. After a few minutes, a tear rolls down from behind his giant sunglasses. It traces his cheek and then drops down to the carpet.
"That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me Rich. Thank you."
"No problem! Now let's go get sh!tfaced over in nine twelve! We got us a minifridge to ransack!"
"Hot diggety doo dah damn! Let's git'r dun!"
Water, Burton and Knight step out of room nine fourteen when the elevator at the end of the hall dings again. The door opens and out walks Juan Hefe.
"Fellas! We've found Scrappy Joe and Fab Dan! Come on!"
"Just a sec Hefe, we've got us a minifridge to ransack."
"Booyah!"
Water and Burton run into the room and emerge moments later, their faces crestfallen.
"There's no booze left!"
"Those animals drank every last drop!"
"Well that's alright, because we're going to a pub."
"A pub? What for?"
"Never mind that! Which one?"
"PT's Pub, that's where Scrappy Joe and Fab Dan are right now."
"Where're Ted and Eee El Tee?"
"Oh, they left with..."
"It doesn't matter who they left with!" says Water, doing his best Rock imitation.
"What is with you and these Rock rip offs? You gonna be calling Hefe a strudel lover next?"
"Good one Rich!"
"Har dee har har. Very funny. Now let's get the hell out of here, I have a feeling that Ted, Eats Like Tsavales and..."
"If yer smell, wot Barry Knight is cookin'! Honest guv!"
Water, Burton and Hefe stare at Knight.
"Wot?"
"Leave the Rock impressions to me Bar'. Honest guv."
To be continued by anybody...
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Post by Juan Hefe on May 8, 2009 8:50:27 GMT -5
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Legend: "The Pain Train" Bill Dallas Ted Tsavales Eats Like Tsavales "Fabulous" Dan Francisco Scrappy Joe Jeeves ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ PT's Pub...
A large stretch hummer pulls into PT's Pub limited parking, crushing several cars as it makes its way to a prime parking spot. "The Pain Train" Bill Dallas, Ted Tsavales and Eats Like Tsavales step out of the vehicle. Tsavales jumps around, gleefully clapping his hands.
"That was DINOMITE! Can we do it again?"
"Yeah PAIN TRAIN! I especially LIKED the part where we CRUSHED the CARS! WOO WOO!!"
"The Pain Train" chuckles to himself but keeps walking towards the pub.
"Now you fellas settle down ya hear? WE GOTSTA, GOTSTA, GOTSTA FIND FAB DAN AND SCRAPPY JOE-OE!" sings "The Pain Train" going into a dizzying array of spins, splits and swerves.
Ted Tsavales and Eats Like Tsavales begin dancing as well. After about five minutes, Ted Tsavales stops and puts his hands on his knees. He then extends a fist towards "The Pain Train".
"Buss a rock wid a playa?"
"The Pain Train" looks at Ted's fist disdainfully.
"YOU SPEAKIN' EBONICS TO ME SON?"
Tsavales nods fearfully, his fist still hanging out there.
"S'cool brotha!" says "The Pain Train" returning the fist bump.
Tsavales smiles from ear to ear and is about to get Eats Like Tsavales to buss him a rock when the door to PT's Pub bursts open. "The Pain Train" drops into a battle stance.
"The hell's goin' on here?"
No sooner has the former shotokan karate champion spoken that half a dozen terrified naked men come running out of the pub. Hot on their heels is "Fabulous" Dan Francisco, who is wearing nothing but a g-string and his VCW Las Vegas Championship belt.
"Come back here dahhrlings! I was just about to introduce your badonkadonks to my bajoopbadang!"
The men continue running without looking back. "Fab Dan" comes to a halt directly in front of "The Pain Train".
"Well hellllllooooo there tall, dark and handsome! Haven't seen you around these parts in a loooooooong, haaaaaaaaaard time." says Francisco, pointing to his crotch. "The Pain Train" keeps his cool and crosses his arms.
"Step back foo', 'fo' I wreck yo'self."
Francisco falls to his knees in front of Dallas.
"Ohhhh my! That sort of talk makes me want to.."
The door to the pub bursts open again, and Scrappy Joe comes running out, followed by Jeeves.
"Francisco! What the hell are you up to! I told you no queer business tonight!"
"Fab Dan" gets up from his kneeling position and walks over to the VCW Hardcore Champion.
"You said no such thing dahrling! And besides, I was just out here chatting up an old flame of mine."
"The Pain Train" cracks his knuckles.
"Watch yo'self Dan..."
Scrappy Joe walks right up to "The Pain Train" and looks up at him.
"SO who the hell are you?"
"That there is the Pain Train Bill Dallas and he's coming to VCW!"
"That so?"
"Yup."
"Jeeves!"
Jeeves scurries up to his new master, VCW Hardcore Championship belt in hand.
"Sir?"
"Show the Pain Train my gold Jeeves."
"Yes sir."
Jeeves lifts the VCW Hardcore Championship belt up to Dallas's face.
"That belt don't do nuthin' for me little G." says "The Pain Train", brushing the VCW Hardcore Championship belt aside. He then points to Francisco's belt.
"But that one, I ain't gonna waste my time goin' after that one."
"You gay for Francisco?"
"Fab Dan" feigns fainting and falls flat on his back in the parking lot.
"Oh my! I feel faint!"
"NO FOO'! I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT THE VEGAS CHAMPIONSHIP!"
Fab Dan lifts only his head with a puzzled expression on his face.
"Hot-Piece-Of-Black-Man-Meat-Say-What?"
Scrappy Joe smiles and claps "The Pain Train" on the shoulder.
"You're ok Pain Train! Jeeves!"
"Sir?"
"Get this man a drink!"
"The Pain Train" begins dancing again and before long, Ted Tsavales and Eats Like Tsavales join in.
"THE PAIN TRAIN IS FIGHTIN'!" "The Pain Train is fightin'!" "The Pain Train is fightin'!"
"THE PAIN TRAIN IS WINNIN'!" "The Pain Train is winnin'!" "The Pain Train is winnin'!"
"THE PAIN TRAIN IS ABIDIN'!" "The Pain Train is abidin'!" "The Pain Train is abidin'!"
"FOR ALL THE HOT WYMEN!" "For all the hot wymen!" "For all the hot wymen!"
The singing and dancing is interrupted by the arrival of two vehicles, a beat up van and a Honda S2000.
To be continued by anybody...
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Post by Juan Hefe on May 8, 2009 21:54:02 GMT -5
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Legend: "The Pain Train" Bill Dallas Water "Fabulous" Dan Francisco Scrappy Joe Jeeves "Filthy" Rich Burton Juan Hefe Ted Tsavales Eats Like Tsavales Barry Knight Ryan Bowdridge ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Just as the vehicles pull into the parking lot, an alarm on "The Pain Train's" stretch hummer begins blaring.
"OH DAMN! MY INTERNATIONAL PHONE IS A RINGIN'! BE RIGHT BACK FELLAS!"
Dallas sprints away just as Water exits from his blue Honda S2000.
"Fellas! What's hangin'?"
"Fabulous" Dan Francisco saunters over to the blue clad seven footer.
"I don't know what's hanging, but I sure hope that it's hanging in my mouth!"
Water recoils away from the VCW Las Vegas Champion.
"Get the hell away from me you overripe fruitcake!"
Scrappy Joe pretends to retch when he notices Juan Hefe, Rich Burton and Barry Knight step out of their van with murderous looks on their faces.
"Goddamn it Francisco, can't you tone down the gay? Jeeves!"
"Sir."
"Hand me my bat." says Scrappy Joe, holding out a hand.
"Right away Sir. I've also taken the liberty to add rusty nails to the mix Sir. I hope that's quite alright...?"
Scrappy Joe takes the bat and admires it for a few moments. He then points it to Hefe.
"Get that bat out of my face Scrappy! We came here to party!"
"Sure ya did Hefe." says Scrappy Joe, not moving the bat an inch. "Now, are you fellas gonna behave or am I gonna have ta cave your heads in?"
"Filthy" Rich Burton walks up to his boss, Betsy in hand and spits in Scrappy Joe's general direction.
"You didn't leave us any booze you goddamn asshat! Water and I were freakin' thirsty back there! Whaddya have ta say fer yerself?!?"
Scrappy Joe lowers his bat and smiles.
"Is this all this is about? Booze?"
Burton and Water nod in the affirmative.
"Well hell! I'm running a tab in there! You boys go on in and get your drinks on me!"
Burton and Water run into the pub, hooting and hollering. Scrappy Joe smiles and takes a playful swing at Hefe. Barry Knight, Ted Tsavales and Eats Like Tsavales waste no time going to their bosses side.
"Very strategic of you Scrappy, getting rid of two of my lads like that. But as you can see, I still have the numbers advantage."
Scrappy Joe cracks his neck and flexes his grip on his bat.
"Never tell me the odds Hefe."
Barry Knight pushes Hefe behind him.
"This 'ave a looks like it will cop interestin' guvnah, right, yer might want ter head for the bloody high ground..."
Barry Knight's warning is no sooner voiced that Scrappy Joe attacks. His initial swing clobbers Ted Tsavales in the side of the head and sends Hefe's "Head of Security" flying to the side, completely unconscious. Enraged at seeing his friend brutally assaulted, Eats Like Tsavales charges Scrappy Joe only to get headbutted in the face.
"That all you got Hefe?"
Barry Knight grabs a garbage can lid and begins circling the VCW Hardcore Champion.
"How about yer fight in yor own weight class yer mangy git?"
Knight charges Scrappy and manages to block the barb-wire bat strike, but fails to account for "Fabulous" Dan Francisco who charges into the fray and takes the englishman out with a vicious boot to the noggin.
"Take that you fiendish... sexy... sweating... oh my..."
"Dan! We ain't got no time for this!"
"YOU DAMN RIGHT YOU DON'T FOO'! WHAT IN THE SAM HELL IS GOIN' ON OUT HERE?!?"
Ryan Bowdridge walks up and stands beside Hefe.
"Damn good question Dallas. I think it's ass whoopin' time."
To be continued by anybody...
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