Straight Pimpin' & Bounty Huntin'

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Juan Hefe
Ted Tsavales
"Filthy" Rich Burton
Barry Knight
Water
Ryan Bowdridge
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mere Seconds After the April 15 2009 Edition of Longshot Goes Off the Air...

Juan Hefe, "Filthy" Rich Burton, Barry Knight and Water are all sitting at a table in the backstage cafeteria, discussing plans for the night while Ted Tsavales is busy devouring as much of the leftover food he can get at before the catering staff can come in and take it away. With his mouth full of caesar salad, he turns to his friends who are chatting and laughing.

"Hey, you fuys fould fet ofer fere and eat fome of fis food fefore fey fake if afay!"

Hefe shakes his head. "Not hungry Ted, and by the way, didn't your mother ever tell you not to eat with your mouth full?"

Ted shakes his head, sending sprays of spit and caesar dressing flying far and wide.

"Nuh uh!"

"Damn, that fool has the biggest appetite this side of Bertha!"

"Well, they do make a happy couple. Wonder who gets to be on top though..."

"Enough! I do NOT need that mental image in my head right now."

"So what's up Hefe? You got something for us to go out and catch tonight?"

Hefe smiles. "Indeed I do, and since you fellas behaved so nicely tonight, I'll let you in on it."

"Well, ye gunna spill the beans guvnah?"

"I got a call earlier tonight from my bail bondsman contact, and he's informed me that there are two new bounties that have been out there for a week and haven't been collected yet. You guys interested in driving down and getting the details?"

Burton slams a hand on the table.

"Hells yes! Not going out there to help Ryan nearly killed me Hefe!"

Water gets up and adjusts his gloves.

"Listen, that last bounty hunt was the most fun I've had since that fool Dallas ran around this place. Count me in!"

"You serious?"

"If I'm lyin' I'm dyin'!"

The foursome get up from the table, ready to get going when the triple crown champ, Ryan Bowdridge comes into the cafeteria, followed closely by Shaunna Vulpen.

"Fellas! Looks like I didn't need your help after all!"

Ted, still scarfing down food at a prodigious rate, starts raising the roof.

"Fhe Famp if fere! "

(OOC: To be continued by anybody)

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Juan Hefe
Ted Tsavales
"Filthy" Rich Burton
Barry Knight
Water
Ryan Bowdridge
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

One Hour Later, Somewhere in North Vegas...

Juan Hefe exits his tricked out Hyundai and glances at his watch in alarm.

"Come on fellas! Rich's fifteen minute detour took up way more time than it was supposed to!"

"Filthy" Rich Burton stretches out langorously as he squeezes out of the tricked out Hyundai's back seat.

"Ah come off it Hefe, you know it's my tradition to stop at the Happy Ending Massage Parlour after every show."

"Only yer could keep a place like that in business Rich. The bloomin' concept is great, but for the luv of Pete, right, why do they only employ senior citizens?" says Barry Knight, shivering visibly.

"Age ain't nuthin' but a number Bar'."

Ted Tsavales stumbles out of Hefe's car, his sunglasses dangling from one ear and his eyes glazed over.

"My masseuse must've been eighty five years old Rich. It felt like I was cheating on Bertha with someone's grandma."

"Quit actin' like an overgrown sissy Ted. That place is all class I tell ya!"

Burton steps aside as a Honda S2000 and a Lotus Elise come roaring into the parking lot, parking on either side of Hefe's tricked out Hyundai.

"And here comes Water and Bowdridge, those two surely enjoyed their time at the Happy Ending."

Barry Knight pulls out a wad of cash.

"Care ter put some brass on that Rich?"

"Anytime you cockney bastard!" says Burton, shoving Knight aside.

"Ryan! Water! Was that place something or what?"

Ryan Bowdridge and Water approach Burton, their faces inscrutable...

(OOC: To be continued by RyanBow412)

[RyanBow412]

Ryan steps out of his green Lotus Elise, wearing some nicer attire, and walks to Rich. He stares at the big man for a second, before shaking his head.





"Women are like fruits. When they're young, they're sweet, but not ready. Then they reach the right age when they're perfect. As they get older they get wrinkly, and then only old people or weirdos" he gestures to Rich "want them." He reaches in the back and grabs a duffel bag and tosses it in front of the guys. "Take what you want. Complements of the Hardcore Champion"

Barry Knight opens up the bag and sees it's full of miscellaneous weapons, such as kendo sticks, a pair of brass knuckles, and even a Taser!

Water opens the door to his blue Honda S2000, also giving a change to his regular attire.



They all stare at his clothes before he shrugs.

"I didn't wanna ruin my ring gear."

During this time, Ryan has walked to Hefe and hands him a small club.

"So, who's our target tonight?"

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Juan Hefe
Ted Tsavales
"Filthy" Rich Burton
Barry Knight
Water
Ryan Bowdridge
Dylan Manulamanea
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hefe shrugs as he shifts the club from hand to hand.

"No idea, but Dylan will be able to tell us."

The rather large group head inside the nondescript office building and walk over to a large man wearing a hawaiian shirt sitting in an office chair. He gets up and shakes Hefe's hand.

"Aloha Hefe! Didn't think I'd see you around tonight!"

"I didn't think we'd make it D, my associates here got sidetracked and it took everything in my power to get them over here."

Ted Tsavales walks over to Dylan and grabs him by the shoulders.

"Hey there big man, happy to see you too!"

"D! You gotta let me borrow your shower! If Bertha smells that geriatric masseuse on me I'm done for!"

"No problem Teddy, it's right behind through there." says D, pointing to a back door.

Ted rushes through the door and disappears from sight. Dylan turns back towards the rest of the folks in his office.

"So, Hefe tells me you folks are all in the bounty business now. Is that right?"

Water takes off his sunglasses(!) and looks Dylan straight in the eyes.

"I've never felt a greater rush than when we took down that maniac Mr. Bojangles and brought him in to justice. Never!"

Ryan Bowdridge laughs at the memory and claps Water on the shoulder.

"You sure did use your shotokan skills that night Water! I haven't seen you throw roundhouses like that since the Shotokan Showdown!"

"Damn straight, and I'm looking forward to dispensing a little Law", Water shakes his left, then his right leg in the air, hokey-pokey style. "And Order again tonight, D."

"Excellent news!" says Dylan, taking out a polaroid and throwing it on his desk facing the would-be bounty-hunters. "This was taken in front of the Bellagio last night. These three maniacs are loose on the streets of Vegas and I'd like them brought in here. Tonight."

Water grabs the polaroid:

"This guy on the right is War Machine! You mean to tell me that I put that dumb bastard through a wall pro-bono earlier tonight?!?"

Burton grabs the polaroid from Water.

"And that guy in the middle is the tool we beat up tonight Bar'!"

Burton shows Knight the polaroid.

"And dollars ter donuts that git on the left is Norff Vegas Butcher! S'truth!"

"D, all these guys are VCW wrestlers. Who's putting up this bounty?"

D spreads his hands apologetically.

"That I can't tell you Hefe. Confidential."

"Alright lads, let's get going. Time is a wasting and the bounty on these fools needs to be collected."

The group turns to leave just as Ted Tsavales emerges from the back-room, looking freshly showered.

"What'd I miss fellas?"

"Plenty! To the Water Mobile!"

The group exits the bond bailsman's office, ready for the hunt.

(OOC: To be continued by anybody...)

[RyanBow412]

Water and Ryan walk out of the office, Ryan to his Lotus, Water to his Honda. Before they get to their cars, Ryan looks over to Water.

"Wait, instead of taking both cars and practically looking like a convoy with Hefe and the gang, why not just go in one car?"

"Ok, come on, we'll take the Honda."

"And leave this beautiful piece of English engineering in this shifty parking lot? Not a chance!"

"But we gotta blend in. You know, incognito!"

"Incognito? Do you even know what that means?"

"Something about the Earth."

Ryan stares at Water for a moment before hitting him on the head with a kendo stick.

"Get in the friggin' Lotus!"

"Fine."

Water gets in, but finds it a bit of a tight cramp, Ryan hops into the driver seat and turns the ignition. He leans out the window and yells to Hefe's car, which is already started.

"We ready to go?"

A thumbs-up comes from Hefe's window as he pulls out. Ryan takes advantage of the empty parking lot and does a quick donut before peeling out of the parking lot, blaring metal music the whole way though. They take off down the street when Water leans out the window and yells out into the Vegas night,

"88 MILES PER HOUR!"

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Juan Hefe
"Filthy" Rich Burton
Barry Knight
Ted Tsavales
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hefe's Tricked Out Hyundai, Booming Down Southbound Highway 15...

"Damn it Hefe, can't we listen to something other than Sabbath or Metallica?" says "Filthy" Rich Burton, reaching for the CD eject button. Hefe swats Burton's hand away, causing the Hyundai to swerve dangerously on the highway.

"Don't touch a French Canadian's radio coline de bine de bonne bine!"

"Ok, ok, just watch the road dammit!"

Barry Knight chuckles in the back seat, snacking on some marmite Jelly Bellies^TM.

"I can't believe yer don't like these Ted, ffese are delicious! S'truth!"

Tsavales makes a sour-puss face.

"Those things taste like the inside of a horse's ass Barry!"

Hefe spins around in his seat and cuffs Tsavales on the side of the head.

"Hey! Watch your language Ted! We're professionals over here!"

"Hefe! Watch the goddamn road!"

The Hyundai again swerves dangerously, almost running over a motorcyclist who'd been speeding in the right lane.

"Cripes guvnah, yer almost ran over that motorcyclist!"

Tsavales puts away the rest of the twelve foot licorice he'd been working on and spits out promptly.

"That's no motorcyclist! That's Tyler Marx!"

"What the hell is that maniac doing on the road at this time of the night?"

"I don't know, but he's motionning for us to pull over. Let's see what he wants, I'm in a feisty mood anyway Hefe."

Hefe gives Burton a dubious glare and pulls over.

"Teddy, get out of the car and try to flag down Ryan, here he comes now."

Meanwhile, Burton gets out of the car and walks over to Marx who's taking off his helmet.

"Marx you old commie! How the hell are ya?"

(OOC: To be continued...")

[Devlin]

"Burton, you rotund bundle of joy!" Marx exclaims, removing his helmet as he dismounts his shiny new Yamaha 1700 VMAX. "What are you boy scouts doing out here?"

"We", Burton begins, leaning on the Hyundai, "Are on our way to apprehending our newest bounty."

"You're kidding."

"Scout's honour."

"So, who's on the hitlist tonight?" Marx asks, resting his helmet under his arm. Burton produces the polaroid and shows it to Marx.

"Right, so you're after a hobo in dire need of a shirt, an Ultimate Warrior parody and his albino bastard child. Good one."

Burton shrugs. "Hey, it pays don't it?"

Just then, Marx and Burton hear engine of a car and the boom of heavy metal, and turn around to see Ryan Bowdridge's Lotus roll up behind Hefe's Hyundai. Bowdridge and Water both lean out of their respective windows.

"Yo, Marx, you gonna tag along?" Bowdridge bellows over the sound of Queens of the Stone Age.

"I wouldn't miss this gravy train for the world. Count me in!" Convinced, Bowdridge steps back into his car and fires up the engine again. Burton returns to the Hyundai as Hefe starts up too.

"Y'know, you're not gonna exactly manage incognito on that beast." Water nods his head towards Marx's VMAX.

Marx very casually straddles the bike and pulls on his helmet as Hefe pulls off onto the highway.

"Tyler Marx doesn't do incognito. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAAAAA!!" He proclaims as he flips down his visor, opens up the throttle with a terrible roar and speeds off in pursuit of Hefe and the bounty.

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Juan Hefe
"Filthy" Rich Burton
Barry Knight
Ted Tsavales
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ten Minutes Outside Mountain Pass NV, USA...

"So where in the hell are you taking us Hefe? We've been driving for almost an hour now!"

"S'truth!"

"We're going to this little dipshit town called Mountain Pass. I know this Mojave Indian there who can help us out."

"Is he some sort of spirit walker?"

"No, no, nothing like that. He's just a dude who's probably the biggest VCW fan of all time. If anybody has been keeping tabs on any wrestler that has ever been in Vegas, it's this guy. Cripes, two weeks ago, I called him up asking about you guys and ended up getting a status report on everyone I've ever managed!"

"Mismanaged."

"Shut up Rich. Anyway, get this, Perra is back in Japan, and he's opened a taco stand there!"

"Get out!"

"I'm sorta hungry boss and tacos sound like a really good idea right now."

"We're almost there Ted."

"So you think this guy can tell us where those three doofs are?"

Hefe smiles widely and turns up the volume on the radio.

"Guaran-damn-teed!"

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Juan Hefe
"Filthy" Rich Burton
Barry Knight
Ted Tsavales
Eats Like Tsavales
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dirty Wood Shack, Just Outside Mountain Pass, NV, USA...

"Filthy" Rich Burton walks over to the shack that stands alone on the side of Highway 15 and spits on the ground.

"This it Hefe? This place looks abandonned."

"Yeah, that's how Eats Like Tsavales likes it."

"Who eats like Tsavales?"

"Nobody really, right Ted?" says Hefe looking back at Tsavales who is busy eating a candied burrito.

"Thash rife bosh!"

Barry Knight ambles over to door and knocks on it twice before Hefe can reach him.

"Wotcher in there! S'truth!"

"No! Barry! What have you done!"

The scene in front and around the shack explodes in bright lights and alarm sirens. Hefe, Burton, Knight and even the mighty Ted Tsavales drop to their knees, cupping their ears in a vain attempt to ward off the soul crushing sound. After another mind blasting five minutes, everything goes mercifully quiet. Hefe manages to struggle up to his feet just as the front door to the shack opens. Cast against the light, only a shadow is visible, but that shadow is massive. It reaches out and helps Hefe up the rest of the way and drags him into a crushing bear hug.

"HEFE! You've come back!"

"You didn't think I could stay away could you Eats Like Tsavales?" says Hefe, shaking his head feebly.

"NEVER in HELL HEFE!"

Eats Like Tsavales walks past Hefe and takes a closer look at the other three interlopers.

"TSAVALES! YOU CAME BACK BLOOD BROTHER!"

Tsavales still on his knees, looks up and promptly pukes up his candied burrito.

"You owe me a candied burrito you crazy old man!" says Tsavales, wiping his mouth.

Eats Like Tsavales walks over to Tsavales and helps him up as well.

"Of course, of course. And who are these other two... SLEDGEHAMMER JUSTICE!!!"

Burton and Knight barely have time to get their bearings before they are bowled over by Eats Like Tsavales and sent flying back down to the ground.

"Watch it you overgrown water buffalo! Can't you see I'm wearing my best pink polo here?!?"

Eats Like Tsavales walks over to the Burton and kneels down beside him.

"SO SORRY Burton! Didn't meant to HURT YOU there!"

"Yer couldn't 'urt that fat oaf wiv a mere charge guvnah! Blimey! We survived bein' tossed into a bloody dumpster! S'truth!"

Eats Like Tsavales spins on the balls of his feet and grabs Barry Knight by the shoulders.

"Jimmy King!"

"Try again mucker."

"Barry Blight?"

"Fird time is surely the charm."

"Barry Knight! Here in MOUNTAIN PASS NEVADA USA!"

Hefe walks over to Eats Like Tsavales and taps him on the shoulder.

"Listen Eats Like Tsavales, I'd love to stick around out here all night and chit chat, but we've got some company coming and I..."

"Who?!?"

Tsavales starts dancing excitedly, drawing Eats Like Tsavales into it as well.

"Triple Crown VCW Champ Ryan Bowdridge!"

"What?!? Bowdridge?!? HERE?!? Down I go..."

Eats Like Tsavales promptly faints and falls flat on his back before anyone can catch him. Hefe walks over to him and checks his breathing just as 3 headlights pull into the shacks make-shift driveway.

"Hey Tsavales, help me get Eats Like Tsavales back into his shack. We've gotta get him comfortable before he comes to and realizes he's got Ryan Bowdridge in his house."

"And Water."

Hefe sighs.

"And Water."

"And that little commie, Tyler Marx."

Hefe sighs, louder this time.

"Yes, and Tyler Marx. Now come on, help me move this behemoth! Cinq six boîte de tomates vertes, he's heavier than Bertha!"

[RyanBow412]

The engine to the Lotus is turned off and Ryan and Water step out of the car, Ryan with a pair of brass knuckles and Water decked out in the latest in non-lethal technology, including a shotgun loaded with beanbag rounds and Taser. Rich walks up to him and points to the shotgun strapped to his back.

"What the hell is that for?

"We passed an army surplus store on the way here and I wanted to be sure I get War Machine. One of these," He cocks the shoutgun and shoots a beanbag at a cactus, denting it, "in the back of the leg and our little Cosmic Warrior ain't going anywhere."

"I thought you needed a waiting period to buy shotguns."

"I've had this bad boy for a while now. I hunted for a while while I was away from VCW."

Ryan shrugs.

"I'm just gonna beat the royal hell outta them with these." He holds up his brass knuckles.

Burton gives a quick chuckle and pats Ryan on the back.

"Come on, we got a guy to carry inside."

"Who?"

"Take a look."

Ryan and Water look and see Eats like Tsavales sprawled out on the ground.

"Hey, Hefe, who's the fat guy?"

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Juan Hefe
Water
Ryan Bowdridge
"Filthy" Rich Burton
Barry Knight
Ted Tsavales
Tyler Marx
Eats Like Tsavales
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hefe nudges Eats Like Tsavales with his boot.

"This, fellas, is Eats Like Tsavales. One of my oldest associates. He's the guy who got me started in pro wrestling promotion."

Water lowers his sunglasses in order to give Hefe a proper eyebrow-raising look of dubiousness.

"You sh!tting me Hefe?"

"Not on this topic, Water."

Burton bends over and grabs Eats Like Tsavales under the armpits, giving Tyler Marx a full moon in the process.

"My frickin' eyes! Good thing for you boys that Tyler Marx isn't a werewolf, or you'd all be ground beef by now! AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! AHAHHAAAAAHHAAAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Burton, still trying to lift the fat indian by his lonesome, turns his head to look at Marx.

"Quit yer jokin' Marx and give this fat cowboy a hand will ya!"

Marx covers his eyes and walks over to Eats Like Tsavales's legs. He attempts to lift them but they prove to be too heavy for the communist juniorweight.

"Is this guy a goddamn robot?"

Water shoves Marx aside and grabs the fat indian's legs.

"Watch how a red blooded american alpha male does it you little commie bastard."

"Hey! That's my line!"

Water smirks and girds himself to lift the bottom half of Eats Like Tsavales. After more than thirty seconds have gone by, Burton drops his half down in disgust.

"What the hell we waiting for Puddles? My back is sore as hell and I want to start pounding on some jobbers preferably before sun-up!"

"Hear, hear!"

"Alright, quit yer whinin'. Let's git 'r dun as they say in Georgia." says Water again grabbing his half of the load.

Burton breathes in heavily and with a heave, reaches down and lifts up Eats Like Tsavales a whopping three inches off the desert floor.

"Someone open the goddamn door of this fat indian's wood shack because Puddles and I are taking him in there!"

"BUSINESS REPLY MAIL!!!"

"What's all the yelling for?"

"Ah!" "Holy Schnikey!"

"Could you fellas let this poor, beat-down indian down?"

Burton and Water drop both their ends of Eats Like Tsavales down. Hefe comes over and kneels by his old friend.

"You okay Eats Like Tsavales?"

The old indian wipes dust off his face as he sits up.

"Oh yeah HEFE. It isn't everyday you get a visit from an old friend AND THE COOLEST WRESTLER THIS SIDE OF THE MISSISSIPPI!!! RYAN BOWDRIDGE!!!"

Eats Like Tsavales's eyes go wide as saucers as he spots Ryan Bowdridge calmly adjusting his jobber-hunt equipment. Ted Tsavales runs over and raises the champ's arm.

"TRIPLE CROWN VCW CHAMP-EEEEEEN!!!"

Bowdridge gently takes his arm away from Tsavales's surprisingly strong grasp and walks over to Hefe and Eats Like Tsavales.

"Sorry Hefe, but I'm itching to bust some heads. Can this guy help or not?"

Hefe gets up with Bowdridge's help and then reaches down to help Eats Like Tsavales get up.

"Yeah he can. Eats Like Tsavales has the most extensive tracking network in the world."

"Tracking network?"

"Yeah! I can tell at any moment of any day where any pro-wrestler, living, dead, retired or whatever is!"

Water walks over and crosses his arms.

"Pfffft! I find that hard to believe. This guy's a total waste of our valuable jabroni beat-down time!"

"Now just a second Water, Eats Like Tsavales has never let me down. Ain't that right Rich?"

Burton puts his hands in his pocket and starts looking at a non-descript spot on the ground.

"I said, ain't that right Rich?"

"Alright, alright dammit. Eats Like Tsavales here found me when I was on the run from the law in Puerto Rico. He led Hefe and Tsavales straight to me and the two of 'em got me the hell out of there."

"Puerto Rico?"

"Eats Like Tsavales also led the Guvnah straight ter me wen I got in some contract obligation problems o'er in the land of the risin' sun! Blimey! I were never so glad ter see that bespectacled levver wearin' geek than I were then! S'truth!"

"So you see fellas, if anybody can help us find War Machine, Albino Warrior and North Vegas Butcher tonight, it's Eats Like Tsavales!"

"Wait a minute HEFE. Did you just say WAR MACHINE?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Well, before you guys activated all of my security systems simultaneously..."

"Thanks for that by the way Bar'" says Burton, clapping Knight on the shoulder.

"No problem yer fat oaf!"

"As I was saying, I saw WAR MACHINE run by my shack and on into the desert. And he wasn't alone."

"He wasn't?"

"Nah, him and TWO other DUDES. BIG dudes too. Well, they were leashed to some sort of chariot."

"A freakin' charriot? Like, a ROMAN charriot?"

"Yeah! And some little painted up midget was leading them on!"

"A painted up little midget? The hell you been smoking Eats Like Tsavales? Can I have some?"

"Tyler Marx would also partake in said smokage... IF it is available of course! AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Never mind all that, which way did they go?"

Eats Like Tsavales points to the desert beyond his shack.

"They went thataway!"

Burton cracks his knuckles and runs over to Hefe's Hyundai.

"Let the uncle bobber hunt begin! Shotgun!"

With a whoop, the rest of the bounty hunting crew rush towards their vehicles of choice and speed off into the desert, hot on the trail of their increasingly bizarre quarry.

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Mini Frias
Albino Warrior
War Machine
North Vegas Butcher
Juan Hefe
Water
Ryan Bowdridge
"Filthy" Rich Burton
Barry Knight
Ted Tsavales
Tyler Marx
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Mohave Desert, Bastion of Desertitude and Whatnot...

A strange chariot makes it's way across the frigid backdrop of the Mohave Desert. Pulling the chariot are three of VCW's well known jobbers: War Machine, North Vegas Butcher and Albino Warrior. Standing in the chariot with a leather whip in hand is Mini Frias.

"Faster you idiots! We have to get to Mexico by tonight!"

War Machine stops running and unharnesses himself, immediately receiving a whip to the chest for his troubles. The painted-up warrior from another galaxy roars and strikes Albino Warrior in the face.

"UNLIKE THE SANDS OF TIME AND THIS KHORNE FORSAKEN DESERT WAR MACHINE CANNOT RUN ETERNALLY!"

"UNLEASH US AND LET US RETURN TO THE COMFORTS OF OUR COSMICALLY ALIGNED ABODES MINI FRIAS!"

CRACK!

The whip, wielded expertly by Mini Frias, wraps itself around War Machine's and brings him down.

"Shut! Up! I'm in charge of this spirit walk here tonight! You are done running when I say you are done running! That clear?"

War Machine whimpers and prostrates himself in front of the chariot.

"WAR MACHINE BEGS FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS EVEN AS HIS BLOOD BOILS WITHIN HIS VEINS!"

"Excellent. Butcher, Warrior, harness up that fool and let's get going! We're losing valuable moonlight!"

The two other Freak wannabes pick War Machine up and start strapping him in to the harness but a noise in the distance distracts them. Mini Frias whips his head around.

"Something is awry! Hurry for the love of the Misfit hurry!"

A blur of man and machine zooms past Mini Frias and heads directly for the trio of arena-light-counting afficionados. Seconds before impact, Tyler Marx leaps off his motorcycle and cross body blocks War Machine into oblivion. The two go off rolling on the desert floor with Marx coming out on top.

"Tyler Marx one, jobbers, zero! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!"

With War Machine down and out (and eating about a dozen rapid fire fists delivered by Marx), Albino Warrior and North Vegas Butcher rapidly disengage from their harness and rush to the aide of their fallen acolyte.

"Hold steady War Machine, we are coming!"

Marx stands up and readies himself to fight Warrior and Butcher, but their is no need as a green Lotus Elise pulls in front of them. The passenger side window opens and Water leans out.

"Hey! Warrior!"

Albino Warrior rears back his fist and is about to strike Water when a beanbag round slams in his face. Water steps out of the car and blows the smoke off the tip of his shotgun. He calmly walks over to the fallen Albino Warrior and tazers him in the groin.

"The price is wrooooong b!tch!"

Hefe's tricked out Hyundai arrives on the scene just in time to see Ryan Bowdridge nearly take off North Vegas Butcher's head off with a brass knuckle assisted haymaker punch.

"Great work fellas! We didn't even have to do anything this time."

Hefe, Knight and Tsavales walk over to survey the carnage.

"These uncle bobbers don't even know wot 'it them! S'truth!"

"Now all we gotta do is load them up in my car and..."

"Uh boss..."

"Not now Ted. Hmm, I guess these fellas are too big to fit into my Accent. Let's see if we can attach that chariot to my car and then we can..."

"Uh boss, your car is taking off without us!"

"What?!? Damnit Ted! Who's driving it?"

The Accent drives a bit further and then stops. Mini Frias then pops his head out of the window and cackles maniacally.

"Thanks for the car you stupid bastards! I'll make sure to pick up the skankiest lady of the night this city can offer and soil your backseat for you! Muahahahahahaha!"

Hefe balls his fists in frustration and yells to the uncaring sky as his beloved tricked out Hyundai Accent peels off for destinations unknown.

"That little midget has my car! Stop him!"

Ryan Bowdridge walks over to Hefe and pats him on the shoulder.

"Man, that really must hurt Juan. I don't know what I'd do if somebody depraved like Mini Frias ever got a hold of my baby."

Hefe starts weeping and is immediately embraced in a hug by Tsavales.

"There, there boss. All is not lost. We'll just go back to Eats Like Tsavales's shack and borrow his van. No problemo."

"How in the hell are we going to get there in time Ted? Mini Frias will have at least a three hour head start!"

"Fear not Hefe, Tyler Marx is on the case! I'm going to track down that maniacal little dwarf and save your car for you! Ahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!" says Marx as he hops on his motorbike and pulls on his helmet. He zooms off into the night, in hot pursuit of Mini Frias.

"Well, that just might work, but we still need to get back to civilization and help out Marx. Any ideas fellas?"

"I'd offer to take all you guys, but my Lotus is a two seater and there are nine of us."

"Nine?"

Bowdridge points to their three unconscious bounties, lying in a heap.

"Oh crap!"

"Wait a second Hefe, I have an idea. Hey Teddy, you still got some of those alligator and buffalo melatonin Jelly Bellies^TM?"

Ted opens up his fanny pack and roots in there for a bit until he finally grabs a handful of something and walks over to Burton.

"Sure looks like it Rich! Why? You hungry?"

Burton snatches the Jelly Bellies^TM out of Ted's hand.

"No you idiot. We're going to leash up those jobbers to that chariot, load 'em up full of these and ride 'em all the way back to Eats Like Tsavales's shack."

"Hm, makes perfect sense." says Water, calmly drinking from a bottle of... orange juice.

"Shut up and leash those fools to the harness."

Water, Knight and Tsavales busy themselves reattaching the beaten-down jobbers to the chariot. Once they are done, Burton walks over to each and force feeds them some of the Jelly Bellies^TM. The effect is instantaneous. The three formerly unconscious brawlers come to and immediately begin pulling the chariot forward.

"Get on! These fools are taking off without us!"

Hefe, Tsavales, Knight and Burton jump on to the chariot and wave goodbye to Bowdridge and Water.

"To Eats Like Tsavales's shack!"

"Tarry forff! Oi!"

"On War Machine! On Albino Warrior! On North Vegas Butcher! Heee-yah!"

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Back at Ryan's Lotus Elise...

"You know Ryan, those guys are a lot of fun. Crazy as a sack of starved ferrets, but fun!"

"You got that right Water, now come on, we better go warn Eats Like Tsavales that Hefe is on his way and is going to need a van."

Bowdridge's Lotus Elise takes off after the chariot bearing Hefe, Tsavales, Knight and Burton just as the sun rises on another day...