Longshot (June 3, 2009)

[Vertigolowe]

June 3, 2009
Road to Snake Eyes - Week 3



VCW Las Vegas Championship

[/color]
"Fabulous" Dan Francisco ~VS~ "The Pain Train" Bill Dallas (c)

Number One Contender Tournament
VCW Women's Championship
Semi Finals[/color]
"Vermillion Lady" Jade Emira ~VS~ Big Bertha
"Bloody" Arrianna Lyra ~VS~ Summer Brodey

Hardcore Match[/color]
Water ~VS~ "The Sadist" Tariq al-Araz

"Filthy" Rich Burton ~VS~ Levi Roman

Dazza "The King" ~VS~ Michael Stern

Daniel Diamondeye ~VS~ Ryan Bowdridge

"The Playboy" Esix Cordero ~VS~ Flexy Rexy

[/center]

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Juan Hefe
Barry Knight
"Filthy" Rich Burton
Ted Tsavales
Eats Like Tsavales
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Juan Hefe & Friends Locker Room, VCW Arena...

All is quiet in the locker room adopted by Juan Hefe and his associates. Hefe busies himself tacking up a poster from the Puerto Rican wrestling company that Sledgehammer Justice just competed in.

"There! Doesn't that look great? Who would've thought a measly Puerto Rican company could produce such great work."

Ted Tsavales and Eats Like Tsavales walk over and admire Hefe's handywork.

"You're right boss. I especially like the expression on Rich's face as he's getting pile-driven into that pile of tacks."

Hefe smiles and puts one of the extra tacks he's got in Tsavales's hand.

"I know! And these are the very same tacks that I pulled out of Rich's skull that night!"

"That is TOO SWEET Juan! Can I have one too?"

"Filthy" Rich Burton limps over to ELT and pulls a tack out of his skull.

"Here, you can have this one. Hefe forgot to pull it out."

Eats Like Tsavales stares dumbfounded at the tack in his hand.

"I shall treasure IT forever RICH."

"Good. I hope you catch tetanus from it."

Hefe hands Burton an icepack.

"Ah come on Rich, it ain't so bad. You guys got to get your licks in to as I recall..."

Barry Knight stirs from the couch where he'd been laying with a big icepack on his face.

"Listen guvnah, it'll be a right long wile before I let yer rabbit and pork me into copping beat ter wivin an inch of me life in front of a crowd that wants ter beat me ter wivin an inch of me life after the show. Plus, right, I'm completely jet lagged."

"That's nothing you cockney bastard! I'm jet lagged AND I think I contracted tetanus from one of these damn tacks! I ain't feelin' so hot."

Eats Like Tsavales finally catches on and drops the tack like a hot potato.

"Oh! Ew!"

Hefe claps Burton on the shoulder and then grabs his leather jacket off the back of his chair.

"You'll be absolutely fine Rich. I have full faith that you'll perform admirably in your match tonight."

"What?!? I'm still fightin' tonight?"

"Of course you are! And Barry will be accompanying you to ringside."

"Why can't you accompany me to ringside? You always get the ref looking the other way at just the right time!"

"Ted, ELT and I are going to the UNLV campus to interview Ted's niece."

"Roadtrip!"

"SHOTGUN!"

Hefe, Tsavales and Eats Like Tsavales exit the locker room. Burton is too stunned to move (or perhaps it is the tetanus kicking in). Knight gets up from the couch and walks over to Burton.

"Don't worry about it Rich, yer know that I'm bloody well as right good a cheater as 'efe."

"Right. But this time, can you please hand me Betsy handle first? You damn near broke my hand the last time you facilitated my way to victory."

Knight smiles widely and claps his tag-team partner on the shoulder.

"If I 'ave me way, yer won't even 'ave ter use Betsy tonight! Oi!"

"That's what I'm afraid of..."

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Lucas Wright
"The Pain Train" Bill Dallas
"Fabulous" Dan Francisco
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

VCW Arena Interview Set...

"Hello everyone and welcome again to Longshot! Last week's hardcore match between Water and Scrappy Joe ended in complete chaos and my guest here tonight was an integral part of it all! Pain Train, how are you doing?"

"The Pain Train" Bill Dallas shines the VCW Las Vegas Championship belt strapped around his waist using his shirt sleeve.

"I'm doin' fine like a Bordeaux wine Lucas. Woooh. Wooooh."

"That's great to hear! Now Pain Train, last time you were on this set, all hell broke loose..."

"The Pain Train" puts a finger on Wright's lips to shut him up and lifts his other hand, which is sporting 24 karat gold, diamond encrusted brass knuckles.

"FOO'! IF ANYBODY COME AT ME ON THIS SET TONIGHT, THEY BE GETTIN' A LITTLE MUSCLE & HUSTLE TWO THOUSAND NINE! WOOOH WOOOH!"

Wright jumps back a little startled by the sudden outburst just as "Fabulous" Dan Francisco walks onto the set with a big box of cigars. Wright bravely places himself between the champion and the challenger.

"Now just wait a minute Dan! You aren't going to come here and interrupt my interview set again!"

"Fab Dan" shoves Wright to the side.

"Step aside you tender little morsel! I'm not here to make war, I'm here to make love."

"Fab Dan" opens his box of cigars and hands one to Dallas.

"Here you go dahhhhling! Straight from Havana! Consider this a peace offering for me being sooooo naughty last week!"

"The Pain Train" grabs the cigar and sniffs it appreciatively.

"You ok in my books Dan. Now you got a light for the Pain Train?" says "The Pain Train", putting the cigar in his mouth.

"Oh dahhhhling! You look so good with a big thick object in your mouth!"

"The Pain Train" spits the cigar in "Fab Dan's" face and is about to punch him out when a dozen VCW security guards suddenly appear and separate the two grapplers.

"Fab Dan" backs away from the security guards and smiles at "The Pain Train".

"You better be ready for our match tonight dahhhhling! I've got a little surprise in store for you!"

"The Pain Train" responds by grabbing a terrified Lucas Wright in a military press.

"Ahhhhhh! Let me down Dallas!"

"TOUGH LUCK FOR YOU LITTLE MAN! HERE'S MY SURPRISE EARLY FRANCISCO! WOOH WOOH!"

"Fab Dan's" smile fades as "The Pain Train" heaves Wright directly at him. The poor announcer flies over the crowd of security guards and hits Francisco in the chest. The two go down like a sack of potatoes as Longshot goes to commercial.

[Dazza]

The scene cuts to the familiar golden locker-room of "The Vermilion Lady" Jade Emira, where she and Jack Francis are having a heated conversation.

Did you remember to train at all? You've been gone for a long time, you know.

Jade puts her hands to her hips and snorts at him.

Do I look fat now or something?

Jack screws up his face in annoyance.

Don't be stupid. You're a wrestler, not a diva.. You need to train, else you will lose.

Jade puts her hand on Jack's shoulder and whispers in his ear.

I missed you too, Jackie.

She then leaves the room, giggling to herself to mock him.. Jack's face still hasn't changed, and he shakes his head as the scene changes.

[Dazza]

The scene changes to Dazza "The King", who is sitting on a bench in his locker-room, deep in thought. Suddenly, he stands up and is about to leave the room, when the camera pans to Jimmy Richards, who had just entered the room, sporting the second VCW Tag-Team Championship belt over one shoulder.

I know, I know.. You were just about to look for me, right?

Right.

What did you need me for?

Dazza picks up his belt from the bench and throws it over his shoulder.

You're meant to wish me luck before my match tonight, like a good little peasant--er, I mean.. partner..

Since when do YOU need luck, Dazza?

Never, but such politeness is customary when in His Majesty's presence.. Now, "The King" has a jabroni's ass to kick, so "The King" will see you later--if you know what "The King" is doing.

Dazza leaves the room and Jimmy turns around, shaking his head.

...You've been watching his stuff again, haven't you? He says, as the scene changes.

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Tim Ramirez
"The Misfit" Rob Frias
Mini Frias
War Machine
Esix Cordero
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"The Playboy" Esix Cordero ~VS~ Flexy Rexy

"Hello everyone and welcome to Longshot!"

"I'm Tim Ramirez and for now at least, I'm alone at the announcer's table."

"I give it two matches before someone joins me out here, but I think that may be a pessimistic prediction!"

"In our first match of the night, we have one of VCW's first juniorweights returning to the ring in the hopes of ascending the ladder to the top!"

"Swamped" by Lacuna Coil comes on the speaker and out walks Esix Cordero. He makes his way to the ring in a no-nonsense fashion that leaves a lot of fans disappointed. Once in the ring, he stretches and looks impatiently towards the arena entrance.

"His opponent? None other than Flexy Rexy accompanied by his amazonian manager, LaShandra, will attempt to continue Esix's VCW losing streak."

"Walk" by Pantera comes on and out walks Flexy Rexy accompanied by LaShandra. The duo walks to the ring with LaShandra taking time to shake hands with the fans while Flexy Rexy stalks angrily towards the ring, swiping away arms that get too close to him. Once in the ring, Flexy Rexy gets right in Esix Cordero's face.

"Both men look ready to claim their first victory tonight! And here we go!"

The match is interrupted by the lights going dark in the arena. When they come back on, "The Misfit" Rob Frias, Mini Frias and War Machine are standing on the rampway. Frias has a microphone.

"Hello Esix Cordero and welcome back to Vegas Championship Wrestling! I am certain that your stay will be as short as the previous one, therefore you are insignificant and so is your opponent tonight! But enough about you and your pathetic careers! I have come out here to bring War Machine and Mini Frias to their rightful place as Vegas Championship Wrestling Longshot colour commentators!"

"Oh no! Not again!"

Tim Ramirez's worst fears come to fruition as War Machine grabs Mini Frias and runs down to the announcer's desk.

"Farewell Tim Ramirez, enjoy the company of two of my finest! I have other business to attend to on this night..."

"The Misfit" leaves the stage in a puff of smoke. Meanwhile, at the announcer's desk...

"Hey guys? I got this, really. You don't have to stay here."

"Shut your ***BLEEP*** mouth Ramirez. I had so much ***BLEEP*** fun last week that I decided to join cosmically dumb ***BLEEP*** over here at the ***BLEEP*** desk."

"You can't say that on television Mini Frias!"

"TIM RAMIREZ!!!"

"Yes?"

"TIM RAMIREZ!!!"

"What?!?"

"WAR MACHINE OBSERVES THAT THE MATCH HAS STARTED TIM RAMIREZ!!!"

"Holy ***BLEEP*** ***BLEEP***! The ***BLEEP*** moron is right! And Esix ***BLEEP*** Cordero is putting the ***BLEEP*** boots to Flexy!"

"Oh my God! That has never happened to me before! Esix Cordero is really laying into Flexy Rexy! Roaring elbow!"

"WAR MACHINE SPECULATES THAT THE COSMIC FORBEARANCE DISPLAYED BY THE WARRIOR ESIX CORDERO CAN ONLY LEAD TO ONE OUTCOME!!!"

"What the ***BLEEP*** are you ***BLEEP*** talking about?"

"What he's talking about Mini Frias is that Cordero has ascended to the top rope!"

"Get the ***BLEEP*** up Flexy! You're about to get ***BLEEP***. UP."

"WAR MACHINE HAS FELT THE CRUSH OF THE ENTROPY GENERATED BY THE DEATH OF A MILLION STARS AND STILL IT DOES NOT EQUATE TO THE DESTRUCTION THE WARRIOR ESIX CORDERO HAS UNLEASHED UPON THE NAPE OF FLEXY REXY'S NECK!!!"

"Double stomp to the back of Flexy's head! Surely this must be it!"

"No ***BLEEP*** way. Cordero looks like a ***BLEEP*** animal out there. And if there's one thing I ***BLEEP*** know, it's ***BLEEP*** animals."

"Yet again, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Mini Frias is right. Esix is now stalking Flexy Rexy who is getting slowly up from the mat."

"Holy ***BLEEP***! He's got him up in some crazy ***BLEEP*** suplex!"

"I'm checking my notes here, but it does appear that this is Cordero's setup for the Twister!"

"Bam! Down goes that dumb ***BLEEP*** Rexy!"

"WAR MACHINE CAN BARELY LOOK AS ONCE AGAIN THE WARRIOR ESIX CORDERO ASCENDS TO THE VERY HEAVENS..."

"<PANTING>"

"<PANTING>"

"Are you ok War Machine?"

"***BLEEP*** that guy Ramirez! Cordero's ***BLEEP*** flying in the air! What the ***BLEEP*** is that? A 900 ***BLEEP*** splash?"

"<PANTING>"

"Close! That's a 450 splash Mini Frias! And now, mercifully, the match is over."

"Swamped" by Lacuna Coil starts, but Esix Cordero is not celebrating. Instead, he points to Mini Frias and does a cut throat motion.

"The ***BLEEP*** is that all about? You wanna ***BLEEP*** piece of me pretty boy?"

"Uh, perhaps it wouldn't be such a great idea to get into it with Esix Mini Frias. After all, you've taken quite a few beatings since returning to VCW."

"WAR MACHINE CONCURS TIM RAMIREZ BUT THE WARRIOR ESIX CORDERO IS ALREADY ON HIS WAY OUT OF THE RING AND ON TO THE BACK!!!"

"Yeah! You ***BLEEP*** start walkin' and keep ***BLEEP*** walkin' you Class A douchetard!"

"What a shame. And to think that Esix could have reduced our announcing team by one foul mouthed member..."

"Shut that pretty mouth of yours Ramirez and ***BLEEP*** segue us into the ***BLEEP*** commercial!"

"Stay tuned folks, we've got my former announcing partner Daniel Diamondeye taking on Ryan Bowdridge!"

"That rich ***BLEEP*** is gonna get ***BLEEP*** served!"

[Master Red]

JLA is standing in the ring without Steve McCanny. JLA is holding a mic.

JLA- Last week I was a victim of a stupid stupid attack.

JLA rubs his neck.

JLA- And now I want revenge.

JLA takes a couple of breaths.

JLA- If Anwar has any guts you'll come down to ring and take me on.

JLA waits as the crowd starts cheering JLA...JLA

JLA- It looks like.............

"Clash City Rocker" by The Clash starts to play as Anwar makes his way to the ring wearing a sharp suit.

Anwar- JLA, what ever happened to you. You used to be so carm, so cool, so....Baaaaddddd.

JLA- Whatever, BRING IT ON

Anwar- Woh Woh Woh, I know everyone here wants to see us fight tonite.

JLA- Then stop screwing around and lets FIGHT!

The crowd cheers JLA...JLA again

Anwar- SHUT UP, SHUT UP let me talk.

The crowd starts to boo Anwar.

Anwar- THE CROWD HERE TONITE ARN'T WORTH THIS MUCH.

The crowd starts to boo and yell Anwar Sucks

Anwar- You know what, You know what Las Vegas isn't worth seeing Anwar vs JLA.

JLA- Oh yeah and who is...

Anwar- New York, Miami, Houston, Bowling Green anywhere but this dump.

The Crowd is starting to throw rubbish at Anwar.

Anwar- You know what I'm out of here. GET HIM.

JLA- What!

Steve McCanny, Millie Amazing & The Roman Brothers run out from different directions but Anwar takes them all out.

Anwar runs behind JLA and takes him out. Anwar starts laying into him with big shots.

Anwar- You once sayed to be backstage "you used to be cool"
but now I rule by myself.

[Esix Cordero]

The following takes place shortly after Esix Cordero's victory over Flexy Rexy. Esix sits on a bench all by his lonesome in the locker room. His long black hair is draped over his face as he picks away at the tape wrapped around his hands. Esix glances over, noticing the camera focused on him. He smirks, then whips his head backwards to get the hair out of his face.

"'The Warrior'... What a suitable nickname for me. All I've been through, all the anguish and hate that I live with... Only a true Warrior can fight and survive like I have."

Esix begins unraveling the tape around his right hand, trying to collect his thoughts after the match.

"There's only one thing wrong with that name though. A warrior is a man who stands for good... For justice. I don't care about good and justice, I only care about ME and what I WANT!"

Esix throws a large strand of tape across the locker room. Clearly there is something more on his mind than a nickname.

"I'm not concerned with Rob Frias, or Mini Frias for that matter. I want gold, and I want it now. The Juniorweight Championship is the peak for those in my weight class. Frias, you're a has-been, and nothing more than an obstacle to me. I'll let you in on a little secret, Frias - I'm cold as ice. You walking out with your posse of misfits does nothing to intimidate me. I'm the intimidator and the predator here, and you'll learn that soon enough."

Esix has unraveled the tape on his left hand now, and drops it to the floor. He brushes his hair behind his ears before speaking again.

"They say you have to climb the ladder before you reach the top. Not me. I'm taking the express elevator up, and I'll be at the top before you even dust yourself off after you fall down to nothingness. Jack Francis, you're in my sights. I'll see you soon enough. I just hope you're watching, because it would be a shame if I were to blindside you. Do your homework boys, and keep your eyes on me. I'm the next big thing here at VCW. I'm the Lone Warrior... Esix... CORDERO."

The camera fades to black, leaving the image of Esix's dark, smiling face on the screen before disappearing.

[Devlin]

The scene cuts backstage, where Lucas Wright is standing next to a rather pensive-looking Tyler Marx.

"Ladies and gentleman, I'm standing here with Tyler Marx, who just last week came close to finding himself on the wrong end of a kendo stick, courtesy of EFF D-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAH, CAN IT won'tcha, Lucas?" Marx interjects abruptly. "So I roughed up DJ Sparks a little... you wanna know why I did that, Lucas? I'll tell you why..."

Marx paces backwards and forwards as he speaks.

"FIRST OF ALL, AAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA, it's because I'm sick of being overlooked around here- sick of being underrated and underappreciated. Two times I've come so close to becoming the number one contender to the Juniorweight belt... and TWO TIMES... I had those chances robbed of me, by ONE Swedish BUTTPLUG with a serious attitude problem.

And secondly... I roughed up Logan Sparks because I could. He's nothing, a nobody, never was, and most likely never will be. So long as the captialist swines that run VCW keep trying to hold me down by feeding me crap like Logan freakin' Sparks, I'm going to bury them, just like everybody else that's come my way."

Marx snatches the microphone from Wright, and then stares into the camera.

"EFF Dash, you'll be no different. Coming to the aid of your buddy was a bad idea, doc- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA- because I'll make you regret it. He wasn't worth the trouble, and to be honest, Dash, you're not worth mine. Hell, I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. Just like your career since you first started out... YOU'RE SCREWED!"

With that, Marx pushes the camera away, and can be heard laughing his way down the corridor as the scene fades out.

[tinyddt]

The VCW crowd is abuzz from the nights show when the tron flickers into life

The camera shows a scene in the desert, old broken down chairs, tattered couches and rickety benches have been arranged in two collums, several rows deep all facing a makeshift altar,, and standing on the altar, hands resting on an old wooden box is the man in the beat up white suit from last weeks video. The camera stops just short of showing the mans face but it is evident he is looking at the camera.

On the first day god said let there be light. And so it was that the light was made separate from darkness.

On the second day day God condensed the vapors on the earth and created the oceans, he formed liquid by his hand and filled the world with water.


He bangs his fist on the box, splintering it, and speaks again, only this time faster and more agitated

On the third day god created land and dirt and ground
On the fourth day he threw into the sky the sun and the moon and the stars
On the fifth day he filled the seas with fish and the skys with birds
On the sixth day God created all the creatures to roam the land, and of all of these creatures man was the greatest, His most loved creation

His hand steadies as does his voice

And on the seventh day........The seventh day which He called the sabbath, God rested
Well I will not rest VCW, I will not rest until everyone has accounted for their sins, till I have purged the darkness from your hearts and flushed the evil from your minds
He gave you paradise and you turned it into a den of crap,
the world has been plunged into darkness
and Las Vegas is the darkest corner of that world
and VCW is the darkest corner of Vegas


Although you cant see his face his voice indicates that he is smiling

but dont worry, Redemption is at hand


He straightens up, arms and palms outstretched

Step into the Light

[Roy]

*back from commercial*

Mini Frias, War Machine and Tim Ramirez are running down the card for tonight.

Mini Frias lets out some imaginative swear words as War Machine continues his Cosmo rants.

TIM RAMIREZ!!! THE MOONS ARE ALIGNING WITH WITH THE 7 STARS OF THE BLAHAWW....

War Machine is dragged over the barrier by the neck with a thick metal chain, his body disappears into the crowd and only his legs can be seen waving around in a panic.

A hooded man gets to his feet and takes down the hood revealing himself to be Scrappy Joe. He brings War Machine back to his feet with the chain. He then uses it to launch him back over the barrier and across the announce table causing Ramirez to flee in fear.

Mini Frias sprints from his chair after receiving a quick stare from Joe. He heads up the aisle as Joe rolls War Machine into the ring.

Frias lets out a foul mouthed rant and while he does this "The Butler" Jeeves makes his way down the ramp with Scrappy's barbed wire bat which Mini fails to notice as he continues screaming at Joe.

Mini eventually sees Jeeves, and more importantly the bat. He decides it's better not to stick around and bails over the barrier vanishing into the sea of humanity.

Scrappy laughs as he ties War Machine's hands around the turnbuckle with the chain, his back facing outwards.

Jeeves makes his way into the ring and hands the bat to Joe.

You're weaponry Sir.


Scrappy lifts the bat into the air which causes the crowd to explode into cheer.

He takes the bat like a baseball player and measures his target up. Then he runs and then he swings.

The crowd let out some cheers and a HOLY SH!T chant as War Machine falls to his knees.

Scrappy continues the merciless assault for a further few minutes.




Eventually he stops.

Panting, he drops the blood stained bat and unlocks the chain. War Machine collapses to the floor, his back covered in blood from the barbed wire.

That's for Seamus you spaced out freak!. and tell yur Boss this aint over and I'll be coming for him!

Scrappy walks away as calm as he entered

Jeeves, get the bat.

Sir

Jeeves is about to lift the bat but suddenly stops as if he remembers something.

He stands up straight and reaches into his pocket pulling out some latex medical gloves. He then picks up the bat which drips of blood as he does.

You never know what these hooligans might have

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Tim Ramirez
Mini Frias
War Machine
Barry Knight
"Filthy" Rich Burton
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Filthy" Rich Burton ~VS~ Levi Roman

(OOC: This is prior to Scrappy Joe taking War Machine out...)

"Well fellas, that was certainly an unexpected ending to the Dazza and Stern match!"

"Which part was unexpect you dumb ***BLEEP***? The part where Dazza the ***BLEEP*** wins via ***BLEEP***'s hammer or the part where Michael "The ***BLEEP***" Stern laid out and counted the ***BLEEP*** lights?"

"LIKE THE THUNDER GODS OF NORSE MYTHOLOGY, WAR MACHINE VENTURES INTO THE ABYSS OF INSANITY AND EMERGES TRIUMPHANT!!!"

"Holy ***BLEEP***, somebody give ***BLEEP*** Machine a ***BLEEP*** tranquilizer."

"Enough you two, I won't get caught out like the first two matches! Here comes "Filthy" Rich Burton, accompanied to the ring by his tag-team partner, Barry Knight."

"LIKE AVENGING ANGELS OF YORE, THE MIGHTY SLEDGEHAMMER JUSTICE COMES FORTH TO DESTROY ALL IN THEIR PATH!!!"

"Not so fast War Machine, when either Rich or Barry fight in singles competition, they aren't quite so formidable."

"Who gives a ***BLEEP*** what you think Ramirez? Here come the ***BLEEP*** ***BLEEP*** Roman sisters!"

"You know Mini Frias, that language is very unbecoming of you."

"Hey ***BLEEP***, I'm a ***BLEEP*** midget and my face is painted like a ***BLEEP*** freak. My ***BLEEP*** language is the only ***BLEEP*** thing going for me. ***BLEEP*** it Ramirez."

"Ahem, right. Well, Rich Burton and Levi Roman certainly aren't waiting for any official start to this match, there going right at it like two crazed dogs!"

"FILTHY RICH BURTON'S NECK IS AS IMMOBILE AS THE BLACK HOLE AT THE CENTER OF WAR MACHINE'S CHOSEN GALAXY!!!"

"Holy ***BLEEP***! The fat ***BLEEP*** just mule kicked Levi in the ***BLEEP*** head!"

"That's odd, that didn't look like a kick so much as a full body muscle spasm. Oh great, and here comes Barry Knight now to join us at the commentary booth."

"Evenin' lads, I just wanted all of us viewers at 'ome ter know that Rich is currently sufferin' the bloomin' full effects of tetanus! S'truth!"

"What the ***BLEEP***?!? You ***BLEEP*** me?!?"

"Yer've got quite the North and South on yer wee peep! Blimey!"

"Moving along... How'd Rich contract tetanus Barry? Isn't that a third world type disease?"

"We fought an 'ardcore motch in Puerto Rico on the bloomin' weekend, right, got a wee bit smashed up wiv fumb tacks and fluorescent light tubes is all..."

"WAR MACHINE'S BLOOD BOILS LIKE THE MOLTEN RIVERS OF OLYMPUS MONS!!!"

"<PANTING>"

"<PANTING>"

"Is 'e gonna be ok, wot?"

"Ah yeah, don't mind that painted up ***BLEEP*** face. He's probably getting a hard one right now just thinking about whatever the ***BLEEP*** he thinks about."

"Oh my God! Levi has just gorilla pressed Rich out of the ring! And here he comes crawling to our location now... Figures."

"Bar', I'm dyin' in here! Throw the goddamn towel! Call a time-out! Do something! Anything! These Romans are goddamn beasts!"

"There are no time-outs in professional wrestling Rich!"

"Just a sec, wotcher mean Romans, then, eh, squire? Yor only fightin' one."

"What? You sure about that? I see four of them in the ring right now!"

"I think you better do something Barry. Rich is really not looking too good."

"Yor right, right, time ter cause a jolly ole disqualification, for the bloody good of the bleedin' land."

"And off goes Barry Knight, straight into the ring!"

"That ***BLEEP*** sure don't take no truck! He just took Levi ***BLEEP*** Roman's head clean off with a ***BLEEP*** lariat!"

"But here comes Lachy to his brother's defence just as the referee calls for the disqualification!"

"BARRY KNIGHT HAS ENRAGED THE ROMAN GODS OF WAR!!!"

"WAR MACHINE'S BLOOD BOILS..."

"Would you shut the ***BLEEP*** up you ***BLEEP*** douche-tard? Tim is trying to call the ***BLEEP*** match!"

"Why thank you Mini Frias, that was... unexpected. But yes, back to the match, or post-match rather, the Romans have completely taken over and are about to put Barry Knight through a hastily set up table!"

"Rich Burton is in no shape to help his tag-team partner out as he is actively convulsing on the floor in front of us!"

"Somebody get this fat ***BLEEP*** an ambulance ***BLEEP*** stat!"

"And wham! Through the table goes Knight to the cheers of the crowd! With that demonstration of force, the Roman Brothers have shown that they are not to be taken lightly! We'll be right back after commercials folks!"

[Juan Hefe]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Legend:
Tim Ramirez
"Fabulous" Dan Francisco
"The Pain Train" Bill Dallas
Water
"The German Wonder" Kurt Engelhorn
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

VCW Las Vegas Championship

[/color]
"Fabulous" Dan Francisco ~VS~ "The Pain Train" Bill Dallas (c)[/center]

(OOC: Happens shortly after Scrappy Joe's attack on War Machine...)

"Hello everyone and welcome back to Longshot! We're in for a treat as "The Pain Train" Bill Dallas will defend his title for the very first time!"

"The Bitch is Back" by Elton John starts up on the arena speakers and out comes "Fabulous" Dan Francisco followed by about twenty Studly Slice Pizzeria delivery boys!

"And here comes Fabulous Dan Francisco accompanied to the ring by a whole slew of male dancers! This must have something to do with the surprise he told Pain Train about earlier tonight!"

Meanwhile, in the middle of the ring, "Fabulous" Dan Francisco gropes himself suggestively while leering at his ring boys.

"Hellllo dahrlings! I trust you're having a great night tonight!"

Francisco pauses as the crowd cheers on the great card they've witnessed so far.

"That's what I like to hear! Now, you pretty little dahrlings may be wondering why I'm surrounded by well over 10000 pounds of glistening, oiled up man-meat... Oh my... I can't quite... focus! Help me dahrlings!"

Francisco faints in the ring, prompting two of his accompanying delivery boys to slither into the ring and help him up.

"Oh dahrlings, I'll pay special attention to you tonight! Now, as I was saying, I thought that since tonight was such an important match... that I should do my part in providing protection. I called up the roughest... and toughest... and man-meatiest of all the Studly Slice Pizzeria delivery boys and asked them to form a prophylactic ring for our match tonight dahrlings! This way, Bill Dallas and I will be free to grope and caress each other in the ring, free from the unwanted attention of that foul smelling German and that even fouler looking Water!"

"Climb Aboard the Pain Train (Lil Wayne Remix)" explodes out of the speakers, followed shortly by "The Pain Train" Bill Dallas.

"WOOO! WOOO! ARE YOU CALLIN' THIS MATCH A LUMBERJACK MATCH FRANCISCO? CUZ THE PAIN TRAIN CERTAINLY DON'T NEED NO PROTECTION FROM WATER AND THE SOUR KRAUT BURT ANKLEBONER!"

"Cum on down to the ring Bill and we'll figure it all out dahrling!"

"The Pain Train" runs down to the ring, slaughtering a few of the Studly Slice Pizzeria lumberjack/delivery boys in the process. The rest of the lumberjacks attempt to retaliate, but Dallas is in the ring before they can reach him.

"WOOO!!! WOOO!!! SO FAB DAN, SINCE YOU BE STIPULATIN' I FEEL LIKE I GOTTA BE RECIPROCATIN'!!"

"Fab Dan" falls to his knees and crawls over to Dallas.

"Oh I do so love reach arounds! Whatever you feel like you ebony hunk of a man!"

"WOOO!!! WOOO!!! LET'S DO THIS LAS VEGAS DANCE OFF STYLE!!"

"The Pain Train" smiles and does a quick spin-o-rama followed by a dizzying array of dips and splits and flips.

"Las Vegas Dance Off style?"

"The Pain Train" stops his dancing and claps Francisco on the shoulder.

"So what is this dance off dahrling? Does it end and/or start with me grinding you from behind?"

"NEVER FOO'! WE GONNA BE DANCIN' FOR THE TITLE! AND VEGAS ITSELF WILL CHOOSE THE WINNER! WOOO WOOO!!!"

"Oh my God! I'll have to check my notes but I think that this is the first time in history that a major professional wrestling title is decided by two competitors dancing!"

"And here we go, Dan Francisco is apparently deciding to dance first as the challenger."

"Water! What are you doing here?"

The camera switches to the announcer's table where Water comes over the barrier and sits down at the colour commentary recently (and violently) vacated by War Machine.

"Nah, you're not alone again Timmy, you got your big buddy Water here with ya."

"Oh great. So what brings you to the colour commentary position Water?"

"Well, I gotta say that I'm really saddened that I didn't get a chance to kick War Machine in the head tonight Tim. Apparently, that is quickly becoming my gimmick and to celebrate, I've gotten somebody to design these for me!"

Water pulls out a black t-shirt and shows the front to the camera.

"Water H:2:0? Isn't that a bit... I don't know... derivative?"

"I know! Isn't it great! And check out the back!"

"Who did you say helped you design these again?"

"Hefe did on that nifty laptop of his. Ain't this the coolest thing you've ever seen?"

"Not really, no. And this is a perfect moment to segue back to the ring because Dan Francisco has just finished his routine and is now looking to the crowd for a big cheer."

Francisco stands panting in the middle of the ring, but the crowd isn't biting. In fact the crowd is shocked and thus there is no cheering. Francisco grabs a microphone and yells into it.

"Prudes!"

"The Pain Train" smiles and rubs his hands together, sensing victory when "Links 234" by Rammstein interupts him.

"The German Wonder!"

"Burt Ankleboner!"

"Stop that!"

"The German Wonder" Kurt Engelhorn steps out onto the stage and rips off his shirt, his face a mask of rage.

"Enough! You two clowns are desecrating the honour of the Las Vegas Championship with this sorry display! I can't take it anymore!"

Engelhorn runs down to the ring and whips his microphone at one of the Studly Slice Pizzeria lumberjack/delivery boys, bonking him in the skull. The frontal assault is quickly thwarted however as the mass of lumberjacks converge on the angry German, licking, groping, biting, kicking, kissing and punching. Engelhorn kicks one of his assaulters in the face and retreats away from the writhing mass of man flesh to the safety of the arena entrance. He shakes his fist in anger and disappears through the curtain.

"I don't think I've ever seen anything like that Water."

"Then you've obviously never been to the Adult Emporium with Rich Burton on a Wednesday night Tim."

"No, and thank God for that!"

"Yeah, I am sorta scarred for life now."

"That will take years of therapy to erase out of my skull. And just in time, there goes Dallas, taking advantage of the crowd's excitement to start his routine!"

In the ring, "The Pain Train" gets the crowd cheering like mad for his routine (a mixture of football, shotokan karate and 70s disco moves).

"From the crowd's reaction, I think it's fair to say that 'The Pain Train' Bill Dallas will retain his Las Vegas Championship here tonight!"

"What a crock o' Hard Targets. Ah well, see ya later Tim."

"Where are you going?"

"To the concession stand, I wanna see if anybody will buy this t-shirt off me!"

"And there you have it folks, 'The Pain Train' has been declared the winner. More action following the commercial break!"

[Vertigolowe]

June 3, 2009
Road to Snake Eyes - Week 3

Esix Cordero ~VS~ Flexy Rexy

See Hefe's post above

2:05 - Esix Cordero defeated Flexy Rexy

"Filthy" Rich Burton ~VS~ Levi Roman

See Hefe's post above

4:51 - Levi Roman defeated Rich Burton by DQ.

VCW Las Vegas Championship

[/color]
"Fabulous" Dan Francisco ~VS~ "The Pain Train" Bill Dallas (c)

See Hefe's post above
[/center]

n/a - Bill Dallas defeated Dan Francisco in a Dance Off to retain the VCW Las Vegas Championship.

Dazza "The King" ~VS~ Michael Stern

The King backed up his bravado and took charge of his smaller foe. Stern held him off as best he could, but that was all he was able to do. Dazza hit the King's Hammer for the win.

5:37 - Dazza defeated Michael Stern

Number One Contender Tournament
VCW Women's Championship
Semi Finals

[/color]
"Bloody" Arrianna Lyra ~VS~ Summer Brodey
[/center]

Arrianna got on the microphone before the match and announced that the next time anyone sees Jenn Wolf, it will be as a member of the Coven. Summer seemed disgusted by the announcement and attacked Arrianna. The two went back and forth for the whole match until Lyra went for the Dark Kiss. Summer ducked the kick and delivered Summer's Solstace for the victory.

6:12 - Summer Brodey defeated Arrianna Lyra

Hardcore Match

[/color]
Water ~VS~ "The Sadist" Tariq al-Araz
[/center]

Water and Tariq were having a grand old time beating the hell out of each other with an assortment of weapons. Efrem Ethel hit the ring and took out both men.

5:00 - Water & Tariq al-Araz fought to a No Decision.

Efrem continued his assault on Water, who he will defend the Hardcore Title against at Snake Eyes. Ethel took him to the outside and down the aisle. Efrem set up a table pulled Water up on top. He then dropped him face first through the wood with his Impaler Drop.

Number One Contender Tournament
VCW Women's Championship
Semi Finals

[/color]
"Vermillion Lady" Jade Emira ~VS~ Big Bertha
[/center]

Bertha exerted her power over Jade during this match, but Jade's experience provided the edge. Emira hit the Make-Over to score the victory and advance in the tournament.

8:41 - Jade Emira defeated Big Bertha

Daniel Diamondeye ~VS~ Ryan Bowdridge

Diamondeye came right at the VCW Heavyweight Champion, but Ryan played the defensive role well. Back and forth the action went until Scott Starnes came to ringside and tripped up Daniel. Ryan hit the Bowdridge Bomb and picked up the win.

10:11 - Ryan Bowdridge defeated Daniel Diamondeye

After the match, Ryan and Scott laid into Daniel until Vertigo ran to the ring with a steel chair to make the save.