SHOTOKAN SHOWDOWN!!!

[Juan Hefe]

Starring:

"The Pain Train" Bill Dallas ~ VS ~ "Filthy" Rich Burton ~ VS ~ Cletus ~ VS ~

El Hijo Del Perra ~ VS ~ "The Great Toku" ~ VS ~ Water ~ VS ~

Scott Starnes ~ VS ~War Machine

With Special Guest Commentary By:

Josh Brodey, Ryan Bowdridge, Barry Knight, "Filthy" Rich Burton, "Fabulous" Dan Francisco and Eucalyptus

ROUND 1

"The Pain Train" Bill Dallas ~ VS ~ Cletus

"Filthy" Rich Burton ~ VS ~ "The Great Toku"

El Hijo Del Perra ~ VS ~ Scott Starnes

Water ~ VS ~ War Machine

[Juan Hefe]

ROUND 1

"The Pain Train" Bill Dallas ~ VS ~ Cletus

"Well this should be an interesting format for these guys. What the hell is Cletus doing?"

"No idea, but he does kinda look out of place there. Perhaps if I blasted my Cotton Eye Joe metal remix he would feel more comfortable."

"P'rhaps, but not bloody likely guvnah."

"And just like that, Dallas goes up one zip. Is there anything to drink in this dojo?"

"What do you need? I'll call up Shaunna and she can bring it on over."

"She won't Chinese Blind bein' your gopher for the evenin'?"

"Gophers? She has mentionned gerbils before, but never gophers."

"..."

"Woah! Cletus actually dodged Dallas' spin kick attempt! That was impressive!"

"Hello my darrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlings!"

"What the hell are you doing here Francisco?"

"I just had to come investigate this man on man action darrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrling!"

"The bloomin' moppet Kate Moss-ed sum Hampstead Heaf on that wahn!"

"You know Bar, I like you and all, but could you tone down the Cockney?"

"He can't."

"And why is that?"

"Because Barry puts the Cawk in Cockney darrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrling!"

"Sweet baby Jesus!"

"Someone is garn ter need lots of 'eavy River Ouse before this night is through..."

"You're right, let me call Shaunna. We need some brewskis!"

"So that's it? Two strikes and you're out?"

"Apparently so. Come on Shaunna, pick up the damn phone!"

"Onto the next Itch And Scratch! Me tag-team partner against the midget marauder!"

"This should be great! Rich has been showing me his moves and I frankly can't see anyone here beating him."

"R ya bloody blind guvnah?"

"Excuse me you sexy beasts, but I simply must go towel off that gorgeous ebony hunk of a man!"

[ryanrev]

Test your might, Test your might,
Test your might, Test your might.
VCW!
FIGHT!
VCW!
(Excellent)
EXCELLENT!

Bill Dallas! Rich Burton! Cletus! EHDP! Great Toku! Water! Scott Starnes! WAR MACHINE!!!

VCW!
FIGHT!
VCW!
(Excellent)
(Excellent)

Bill Dallas! Rich Burton! Cletus! EHDP! Great Toku! Water! Scott Starnes! WAR MACHINE!!!

VCW!
(Excellent)
(Excellent)
(Excellent)
(Excellent)
FIGHT!
Test your might, Test your might.

Bill Dallas! Rich Burton! Cletus! EHDP! Great Toku! Water! Scott Starnes! WAR MACHINE!!!

VCW!
FIGHT!
VCW!
FIGHT!
FIGHT!
FIGHT!

[/size][/center]

[Juan Hefe]

ROUND 1

"Filthy" Rich Burton ~ VS ~ "The Great Toku"

"I'm really surprised Rich is showing the midget marauder any respect here after the dirty trick Toku pulled on Sledgehammer Justice last Wednesday!"

"We attacked Tofu and left 'im and 'is tag-team partner lyin' in a pool o' Claret!"

"Hey, I'm just callin' it like I see it Bar, don't shoot the messenger man."

"But we did have some fun didn't we darrrrrrrrrrrrling!"

"That we did mucker!"

"Finally! Shaunna, get me some two-fours over here stat!"

"And some Jägermeisters!"

"And some Jägermeister! Thanks babe, you're the best!"

"I think Toku is in deep trouble here."

"What? Why?"

"Oh. Ouch."

"That looked DELICIOUSLY painful DARRRRLINGS!!!"

"Where's your old lydy wif the bloody drinks Ryan?"

"I just called her. She'll be here in a half hour."

"A half hour! Hey Rich!"

"Yeah?"

"Celebrate some more, we got time to kill!"

"Damn, it looks like Toku is in agony out there."

"Or ECSTASY!!!"

"The ref just called the match due to Toku not being able to continue."

[Juan Hefe]

ROUND 1

El Hijo Del Perra ~ VS ~ Scott Starnes

"This should be the match of the night so far, no offence to you Rich."

"None taken. Now if it's ok with you lads, I'm going to settle in here and watch my possible competition."

"That would be awesome!"

"So Rich, can I ask you why you chose a pink gi along with a brown belt?"

"Ya may not loike the answer wahn bit Ryan."

"Oh! Starnes just went up one nothing! And why's that Barry?"

"Let me handle this one Bar. Are you familiar with Hells Angels lore Ryan?"

"Probably not as much as I should. Why?"

"This gi represents my brown and pink wings, earned while riding with Sonny Barger in Oakland."

"Are you kidding me? So you're a convicted felon?"

"Take that back Bowdridge! Rich is a the closest thing to a war hero this company has!"

"War hero? Hells Angels? What are you? L Ron Hubbard's reincarnation?"

"These are stories for ano..."

"Wot a flip by the bleedin' lil' mexican! that was 'eaven and 'ell summit!"

"You got that right, now we're tied one to one!"

"As I was saying..."

"Match over! Starnes with the deuce!"

"Damn it! Now the moment is wasted, I gotta go to the back and have a massive dump. Thanks for nothing fellas."

"Could ya be a lil' less descriptive in the bloomin' future Rich?"

"Head back here as soon as your done Rich, we need your valuable insight!"

"Will do, now if you gents will excuse me, I've got a turtle head poking."

"..." "..." "..."

"You know what they say..."

"NO!" "NO!" "NO!"

"Wait a second! EHDP is taking offence to Starnes' celebration! MIST!!!"

"Starnes got off lucky tonight, that's Perra's blue mist."

"What's the difference you hot manly piece of man meat?"

"Uh... Let's just say that blue is much preferable to green or black. Trust me on this one..."

[Juan Hefe]

ROUND 1

Water ~ VS ~ War Machine

"Alright! This should be great, Water's been training hard for this tournament."

"I'm getting hard just watching this tournament!"

"Like Dan, that was totally inappropriate!"

"Lyptus my sweet morsel of delectable gender confusion! Where have you been?"

"Like the mall? D'uh!"

"Ahem, getting back to the tournament... Water looks sort of over-protected in there, you sure he's confident Ryan?"

"Oh yeah, this'll be no problem."

"Is that a legal karate maneuver?"

"I don't know, but it's effective. War Machine is totally out of it!"

"Holy Red Sauce on Pasta! The big lug totally put together everything he had in that one match! And here's Shaunna with our alcohol!"

"I like, totally call dibs on any bottle of Raging Bull!"

"What the hell is that?"

"Red Bull and Jägermeister, entwined together in a DELICIOUS COCKtail!"

"Oooh! I wanna try that!"

"I think I'm going to be sick..."

"Yer and me boff guvnah."

[Juan Hefe]

ROUND 2

"The Pain Train" Bill Dallas ~ VS ~ Scott Starnes

"K, this should be really, really good. Not as good as this Jägermeister though!"

"I'm like, so drunk right now, can someone..."

"Wake up guvnah!"

"He's out like a light. Like a light-weight! Hahahahahahahahaha!"

"I should take him back to the locker room and REVITALIZE HIM!! Lyptus honey, help me carry him!

"I'm like, so out of it too Dan! Like, this one time at the mall, I got like really drunk on jello shooters and like..."

"Eucalyptus is DOWN!!! Down-town Julia Brown! Wooooooooooooh!"

"This is lookin' more and more loike i'm garn ter be garn solo in the chuffin' next lil' while..."

"What are ya talkin' about Bar? Your old buddy is right here, ready to drink some brew and get wasted!"

"Nooooooooooooo! Don't touch the alcohol! You've got a match comin' upsh!"

"I'm disappointed in you Josh! If you know me, you know I can handle my liquor! Hand me that bottle of Jägermeister Bar, I've got some heavy drinking and strategizing to do!"

"Dallas looks miffed 'ere, 'e's givin' Starnes the bloomin' business!"

"No fair! I want to give Starnes the BLOOOMIN business!"

"And again!"

"And here comes the magic dancing!"

"I LOVE it when he dances!!"

"Me too! I need to get him to teach me those moves!"

"He's got him set up!"

"Boom! Dallas wins twelve ter wahn! "

"Excuse me fellas, I've got a match to go win."

"By the way, where's the top part of your gi Rich?"

"They were out of toilet paper."

[Juan Hefe]

ROUND 2

"Filthy" Rich Burton ~ VS ~ Water

"Hey Ryan! Ryan wake up! It's Rich versus Water! The war to settle the score! The battle to end all battles!"

"Wot war? Wot Bobby Moore?"

"Work with me here Bar! I'm trying to build up the suspense!"

"Huh?!? Who goes there?!?"

"Shh, don't worry your pretty little lickable head Ryan!"

"Damn! Burton works fast! Where'd he get that sledgehammer from?"

"His pants! Oh my, I feel faint! I've never looked at Burton that way before! Lyptus honey! Wake up!"

"Like, shut. Up!"

"Burton misses!"

"Water dodges the bloomin' bullet there!"

"Blue Stunner! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!"

"That's cheating! No wrestling moves are allowed!"

"What was that?!?!? I thought you just said no moves allowed!"

"I lied! GO BURTON! GO BURTON! GET BUSY! WIN THE MONEY!"

"Haha! What goes around comes around! WHAM!!!!"

"That was the bloomin' most violent and entertainin' karate Itch And Scratch I ever Bear's Paw!"

"Ah man! Keep your pants on Rich!"

"KEEP THEM OFF! KEEP THEM OFF!!!"

[Juan Hefe]

FINAL SHOWDOWN

"The Pain Train" Bill Dallas ~ VS ~ Water

[Juan Hefe]

"So how you feelin' after that kendo shot Adm'r'l?"

"Bah, I've been hit harder. By a 12 inch dildo. To the face."

"You had that cumming Rich!"

"Did I? And what about gettin' nailed in the back by a Dolce and Gabana purse?!?"

"You totally had that coming!"

"This is ridiculous! I demand a tag-team championship rematch! VCW deserves worthy tag-team champions!"

"Hear hear!"

"You are like, totally jealous aren't you Rich? It's like this one time at the mall, my friends and I totally gave this rival cheer squad who thought they were all that..."

"Enough! Hand me some of that beer Rainbow, my chest needs a good soaking down."

"No hard feelings towards me and Water though, right Rich?"

"None whatsoever. Now give me some beer dammit!"

"Here you go!"

"Well this is somethin' else. The two guys who feuded in a dance off a few weeks ago are at it again in a karate competition that's resembled a street fight more than anything else so far!"

"Ya said it China Plate. Na I wonder if either of these guys is garn ter take the bleedin' momentum from this victory and carry it on ter actual competition in VCW..."

"I'd like that EBONY GOD to drive into ME with MOMENTUM!!!"

"Wow! Water is actually using some of the stuff he learned this week!"

"Water is a force of nature! Nay, he's a force of super-nature! He's super natural! Look at that speed!"

"Dallas returns the favour and blocks a Water attack!"

"These two muckers are evenly matched they are!"

"Point Dallas! What a kick! I didn't know he had it in him!"

"Dallas is probably the only guy here with any karate training whatsoever."

"The bloomin' kid makes a bloody valid point!"

"Water's shaking it off! Look at that fighting spirit!"

"So that's what the kids are calling fighting spirit these days?"

"Apparently so. Bowdridge!"

"Yeah?"

"Beer me!"

"Why did that idiot Dallas turn his back on a treacherous bastard like Water?"

"I don't know, but that was a beautiful cheap shot by Water! I'm starting to warm up to this guy!"

"I know what you mean! This guy is the living embodiment of my favourite saying!"

"Which is?"

"If you ain't cheatin' you ain't tryin'!"

"Which brings me to my favourite saying!"

"Like, it's raining men?"

"Close: Hit me from the back and make it hurt soooooo good!"

"Dallas is really upset at Water after that sneak attack!"

"Holy crap! Dallas just leaped clear over Water and gave him the train wreck!"

"Water's up quick though, look at that fighting spirit again!"

"Back fist..."

"...to the face! This one's over!"

"That bloke Bobby can Jack Palance!"

"Can't he though?"

"Blue Stunner!"

"Dallas was caught unawares!"

"Another Blue Stunner!"

"Lord have mercy! Another Blue Stunner! Where you going Ryan?"

"I gotta stop this!"

[RyanBow412]

Ryan jumps over the table and grabs Water by the shoulders.

"Water! Calm down! You need to relax!"

Water didn't respond, he just roars.

"Water! Repeat after me: goosefraba."

Water calms down a bit.

"Goosefraba"

"Goose....."

"Goosefraba"

"Goose...fraba."

"Goosefraba"

"Goosefraba."

Water calms down and Ryan pats him twice on the shoulder.

"Good man. Now let's get outta here."

Ryan and Water head out the door, leaving the rest of the people there confused as hell.

"Wot the hell just 'appened there, right, Rich?"

"I don't have any idea there, Ber."

[Juan Hefe]

"So what now fellas? You wanna go for a beers?"

"Sounds loike a plan, but I wanna goose's check on Dallas first guvnah."

"He seems fine to me, in fact, here he comes now. Dallas! A fine showing tonight!"

"Where'd Water go foo'?!?"

"Home with his boy toy YOU OBSIDIAN GOD!!!"

"Like, stand down Dan. Poor Bill was like, totally ambushed?"

"Let it be known that Bill Dallas, the PAIN TRAIN HIS OWN FINE SELF is gonna be huntin' down that PREPOSTROUS FOO' on LONGSHOT! WOO WOO!!!"

"And there he goes! I have to admit, Dallas is damn charismatic, don't you think Josh?"

"He annoys the hell out of me."

"Me too! When I'm around him I have no blood left in my brain!"

"Like, ewwwww!"

"On that note, this brings our sha ter a close! goodnight VCW faithful!"

"And don't forget to vote for your favourite match right here on VCW.com!"