The Masked Observer: DANCE OFF!!!

[Juan Hefe]

The Masked Observer

Hello everyone and welcome to a very special column of the Masked Observer! Tonight, I will be providing commentary for you as Water and "The Pain Train" culminate their feud with a dance off at The Pleather Lounge. For the record, this is not an ideal location for me. Because of my mask, I've been propositioned by every single person in this place in the fifteen minutes I've been here. I may have to unmask if this continues...

"The Pain Train" and Water enter the Pleather Lounge under the watchful and hungry stares of everyone already in the disco bar.

"This is the worst idea ever Dallas. Why I let you talk me into this, I'll never know..."

"You wanna forfeit foo'? Cuz Pain Train'll take the W any which way but loose, goose! WOO WOO!!!"

"Filthy" Rich Burton and Barry Knight enter the bar next. Both men are wearing their street clothes AND their VCW Tag-Team Championship belts around their waist.

"Well you sure can pick 'em Dallas!"

"Is that yor 'and on me ass Rich?"

"No."

Knight spins around, ready to deliver a lethal blow to whoever is copping a feel when he realizes that the culprit is none other than "Fabulous" Dan Francisco!

"OOOOH! You've been WORKING OUT Barry! My heart is all a-flutter WITH AROUSAL! LYPTUS HONEY! Come feel this MAN'S DELICIOUS BOTTOM!!!"

"Like, Dan, you are like, totally objectifying a man's body and like that isn't cool. This one time, at the mall..."

{OOC: Anyone who wants to keep it going, please do so. I'll get to the actual dance off eventually }

[RyanBow412]

Water leans to Dallas.

"Word of caution, never say the phrase 'I'll take it anyway which but loose, goose' or prepare for the bum's rush. And I don't mean getting kicked out."

Logan Sparks is the next one in the bar, promptly getting a look of terror and confusion.

"What the hell is all this?! I heard dance-off, not pants off! This ain't good! I can't pick up chicks in a sausage fest!"

Eucalyptus taps Logan on the shoulder.

"Like, you want a woman? I'm all woman here."

Sparks turns around and sees the "woman" who tapped him on the shoulder.

"Dear God Almighty."

Thinking quick, he fakes a cell phone ring tone and quickly put his phone to his ear.

"Sorry, I have to take this." Logan says as he runs away.

"Like, what was that all about?"

[Juan Hefe]

Frias' Freaks arrive at the bar, not quite sure what to expect but needing to get some beers in their system to erase the thoughts of the night's debacle against the BorN aGaiN Kid. Especially the third degree burns BAK inflicted to Sad Boy and Mini Frias.

"The Misfit" Rob Frias spots an empty table and makes his way towards it, followed closely by Charon.

"This place is fraught with danger Misfit. We must tread very cautiously."

"Do not speak down to me you masked cretin. I know full well the risk we take out here in the open."

As the duo take their seats, a lumbering figure enters the bar, Big Bertha! Her nose detects a delicious aroma as soon as she enters and her eyes dart around until they settle on the burnt body of Mini Frias! Bertha licks her chops and moves toward the face-painted midget.

"Mmmmm, it smells like burnt midget in here."

Bertha lunges for Mini Frias but misses him due the diminutive grappler's quickness.

"Come over here you tasty little pork chop!"

"Eeeep! Get away from me you God forsaken leviathan! Sad Boy! To me!"

As ordered, Sad Boy rushes to Mini Frias' side, only to fall prey to Bertha's crushing grasp.

"Ah! My frickin' ribs! Let go!"

Bertha tosses Sad Boy aside and looks furtively for her would-be midnight snack.

"Damn it! I will have you tonight if I have to destroy this place brick by brick Mini Frias!!!"

[Rystar]

Mini Frias gets out of the bar searching for a place to hide from Bertha. He finds a little corner behind a garbage can and he sits down. He checks if Bertha is around and sits again. Suddenly, something touches his neck and Frias screams and runs away like a little girl. "DJ" Logan Sparks come running to wards the alley and he sees Mini Frias. who jumps to wards DJ's arms in fear!

"Yo man! What's your problem?"

"B, Ber, Bertha is after me, and she's here!"

"Well I have a bigger problem. 'Lptus is after me!"[/b]

Just as DJ finishes speaking, a maniacal laughter comes out of the corner. A shadow start coming out of the corner and into the light of the moon, revealing the vampiric character known as Damion. Mini Frias almost pisses himself up and DJ barely tries to hold Mini Frias. Suddenly 'Lyptus and Bertha appear

"Cuty pie!"

"Dinner!"

DJ and Mini Frias are trapped. On one side of the alley we have the blood thirsty Damion, waiting for a bite. On the other side we have the human eating, body destroyer,Big Bertha and the Womens champion and crazy for men, Eucalyptus. DJ is thinking, thinking, thinking and haves an idea. He whispers something into Mini Frias ear and he throws Mini Frias right through the bar's back door. DJ rushes to the door, but Damion catches his foot and DJ falls.

"DJ!"

"Go without me little dude!"

Eucalyptus catches Logan's arm and he's about to burst in tears
Mini Frias runs away into the bar again, chased by Damion and Big Bertha

"This has not been a good night!"

[Vertigolowe]

The jumble of bodies back up into the bar, the door swinging closed as Mini Frias tries to decide what exactly he should do. Logan struggles to get free but the whole gang find themselves ont he floor, along with The Great Toku.

"Hey! Get the hell off me! What's wrong with you people?"

"Hey! Hey! Everybody, what are we doing? This is supposed to be a dance off, not a grope fest! Now why don't we all go grab a drink and enjoy the show."

Toku shoves some people off of him as everyone gets back to their feet. I don't know what you all have planned, but I'm gonna go sit with Rich and Barry. It should be relatively safe over there.

Toku brushes himself off and heads over to a table with the VCW Tag Team Champs, and a pitcher of beer. As he walks across the room, Mini Frias rushes past him toward The Misfit.

"Mini Frias, what the hell happened to you?"

"Stupid DJ got me locked outside and they wanted me to pay the cover again."

"You don't have any money Mini Frias. How did you get back in?"

"The same way I get everything done, headbutt to the groin."

Frias and Charon both burst out laughing.

[Rystar]

There he is!

Mini Frias spots Damion and Big Bertha again. He runs away like a little girl again, but his legs are too short and he is caught shortly by Damion.
Hey! get back here! He's MY meal![/b]

No can do, Bertha. I want his blood![/b]

Damion grabs Mini Frias like a football and runs away from Bertha. Damion is fast and Bertha is getting tired. Damion enters the guys bathroom and he opens the air vent and Damion enters it. He starts crawling inside the vent with Mini Frias in his arms. He reaches the end of the vent, opens it and gets out of the vent. They are again outside and Damion chuckles

Your blood is mine now, little Frias


TBC by anyone

[Juan Hefe]

The action is fast and furious here! I was going to go have some beers with the lads from Sledgehammer Justice but then who should walk in but Kaelan Anderson and Rob Wallace! I of course had to forego the joy of imbibing God's gift to man in order to snoop in on the two men who are attempting a double thrust up the rankings straight to the Heavyweight championship!

"This was a damn bad idea Wallace. What the hell are we doing here anyway?"

Kaelan shoves a skinny bald headed dude who had rubbed up against him hard to the ground.

"We hiv ae message tae deleever laddie."

"Who in God's name do we need to deliver a message to?"

Wallace points to Ryan Bowdridge who is sitting alone at the bar, everyone giving him a VERY wide berth.

"Rainbou ower thare. Gif we seek the gowd, we hiv tae clour doun the heid lads!"

As Anderson and Wallace are about to cross the final 10 meters to the bar, two big hulking men stand in front of them, while the little skinny bald headed dude that Kaelan assaulted cowers behind them.

"That's them there boys! They hurt me! They hurt me so bad!"

Little bald dude begins crying, but the larger of the two brutes shushes him.

"Don't worry Larry, Fabio has everything under control. Which one of you sexy brutes is to blame for assaulting our good friend Larry here?"

"I am, what you gonna do about it?"

Kaelan gets in Fabio's face and just as trouble is about to star brewing, the blonde haired giant restrains his bigger friend while simultaneously pinching his nipple, an impressive feat.

"No violence in here Fabio! You know what happened last time!"

Fabio shudders with excitement, but does in fact restrain himself.

"You're so right Adonis! And when you're right, you are oh so deliciously right."

Little bald headed dude starts thrusting his pelvis in excitement.

"To the dance floor!"

Fabio and Adonis watch their friend bump and grind his way onto the dance floor and turn their attention back to Kaelan and Wallace.

"Well I'm soooo glad that's settled! You guys wanna dance?"

Wallace gives Adonis a hard stare and then spits on the floor.

"Dae A leuk like ah poof tae youse lads?"

Fabio bursts into laughter and spontaneously hugs Adonis.

"This lovely gentleman thinks we're gay Adonis! Oh the hilarity!"

Adonis looks genuinely confused.

"Wait, we aren't gay?"

An uncomfortable silence follows until finally both Fabio and Adonis explode into laughter again and attempt to double-team hug Wallace. The wily scostman evades this maneuver with a quick side step behind Kaelan, who ends up taking the full brunt of the dual embrace. This does not go well as you might imagine. Kaelan explodes into action, dropping Adonis to the ground with a huge knee to the gut and then sending Fabio into Rob Frias' table with his patented gut wrench suplex.

"Hey! We're trying to eat here! Waiter! There's a homosexual in my food!"

Wallace looks at the carnage wrought by his younger friend and shakes his head in amusement.

"Weel ma boy, ye shuir ken hou tae clean hoose!"

Kaelan wipes his hands and spits on Adonis.

"You got that right, now let's go talk to Rainbow and get the hell out of here."

[Chris]

Suddenly, just as Kaelan and Wallace walked up to Ryanbow, the vamperistic figure known as Damion bursts through the backdoor to the outside. Or better, FLY through the backdoor to the outside. Everyone turns their attention to the broken door, cause everyone wants to know who send Damion flying. That was then as Mini Frias steps through the broken door. In a matter of seconds, the whole bar starts to laugh. It's just too crazy to think that Mini Frias send Damion flying. The laughter stops abruptly when the Hardcore Giant himself, Gigante Fujima, appears behind Mini Frias. Fujima walks to wards Damion, grabs him by the throat and says:

"If you ever interupt a private meeting between me and a friend of mine again, I'm gonna rip your damn head off!"

Then, he slowly stands up from the ground, and looks around himself. The whole bar is watching him, everyone is quiet. Gigante, notices that they are looking at him, just says:

"Move on with what you're doing."

And with that, the laughter starts again, and Fujima makes his way to the bar to catch a drink. But who was this friend he was talking about?

[Juan Hefe]

Kaelan Anderson crosses the last few steps between himself and Ryan Bowdridge, who is still sitting all by himself at the bar with an impressive amount of shot glasses in front of him. Anderson taps him on the shoulder.

"Rainbow, we gotta talk business. Oh God, what's that awful stench?!?"

Bowdridge turns around on his tool, obviously drunk as a skunk.

"Ish me! Wash ya wanch?"

Kaelan covers his nose with his shirt (or at least attempts to) and motions for the bartender.

"Hey barkeep! This lad here needs coffee! And smelling salts! Stat!"

"That shtuff wonn worksh. I'sh drunks!"

"Listen Rainbow."

"Rainbows? Wheres?"

"Damn it, you are in no state ta talk shop. I'm gonna call ya a cab, ye ken?"

"NOOOOO!"

Shauna Vulpen comes back from the ladies room and sniffs the air with obvious disgust.

"That boy cannot hold his liquor!"

"Or his gas. What'd he have to eat anyways?"

"Tacos."

EHDP pops up beside Shaunna and shakes his head sadly at Bowdridge who is trying to whistle and failing dramatically.

"Perra! What are you doing here?"

"Someone called me to let me know that some freak wearing a Blue Demon mask was running around the Pleather Lounge."

Oh no! I've been spotted! Quick, time to change masks!

"Also, I was dying to see Dallas and Water in that dance off."

"Me too! Let's go get a table!"

"Ok, but what about your amigo here?"

"Hey Ryan, you gonna be ok?"

Ryan unleashes a foul belch that nearly blinds Kaelan with its potency.

"I'sh ok Shaunna. I'sh sho shleepy though..."

"I'll handle this Shaunna, you go get a table."

"K, thanks Kaelan."

Kaelan looks around the bar until he spots the person he's looking for: "Fabulous" Dan Francisco in the middle of a group of bare chested men pouring champagne over his own bare chest.

"Hey Dan!"

"Fab" Dan saunters over, much to the dismay of his new group of friends.

"What is it my DAHRLING?!?"

"Bowdridge here is nearly incapacitated with liquor and needs a place to crash, think you can help him out?"

"Fab" Dan licks his lips and adjusts his cod piece.

"Leave EVERYTHING to me DAHRLING! FABULOUS DAN is on the CASE!"

"Fab" Dan grabs Bowdridge in a fireman's carry and walks toward the exit while Kaelan walks over to a table where Rob Wallace, "Filthy" Rich Burton and Barry Knight are currently sitting...

[Juan Hefe]

Look over there, it's North Vegas Butcher! I knew he was set to debut in VCW soon, but I didn't think he'd get here so fast! I gotta move in closer, this guy's a maniac!

A bare-chested, bare-footed and heavily scarred bearded man enters the front door of the Pleather Lounge and walks over to the bar to stand beside Gigante Fujima. Without looking at the hardcore giant, the stranger begins a conversation.

"What'r ya drinkin' Fujima?"

Fujima likewise does not look in the direction of the new arrival.

"Beer. And lots of it."

"You almost done?"

"Yes."

"Good."

The bearded mad man known as the North Vegas Butcher grabs an empty bottle from the bar and brings it crashing down on the top of Fujima's head. The hardcore giant stumbles from the savage blow but does not go down. Incensed, NVB presses his advantage and grabs a wooden chair, displacing Charon in the process.

"You should NOT have angered the Masked Myth!"

"Save it freak!"

Butcher spins the chair around in a whirlwind motion, knocking Charon violently against the wall and then smashing it directly into Fujima's face!

That hard blow to the face seems to have woken up the hardcore giant! He's getting up to his full height!

"FINAL WARNING BUTCHER!"

Fujima swats aside an attempted punch by NVB and reverses it into a seriously sick chokeslam directly onto a pile of writhing, leather clad men! Enraged and bewildered, the Butcher gets up quickly and reaches for the nearest weapon at hand, a 12 inch black dildo!

"YOU CHOSE DEATH FUJIMA!!!"

Butcher charges at Fujima with his unlikely weapon and attempts to smash it against the giant's nose. Fujima swats the offending weapon aside and crushes Butcher's nose with a thunderous head butt. NVB slumps to the floor, and seconds later, a little skinny bald headed dude comes to retrieve his toy from Butcher's clenched fist before heading back to the dance floor with furious pelvic thrusts.

Fujima dusts himself off and walks over to the bar, blood stills streaming from his head wounds. The bartender stands there with his mouth open, not able to believe the scene he's just witnessed. Fujima shrugs and grabs his unfinished beer.

"He didn't listen."

[Devlin]

Meanwhile, at the other end of the Pleather Lounge, we see the VCW Las Vegas Champion- "The King of Hearts" Gregory Gambit- with Alyss seated in on his lap, sitting at a table with Cooter, Cletus and Jebidiah of The Backwater Boys, and Gambit's bodyguard, Blackjack, who is wearing a suit and a poker visor around his dreadlocked hair. As Gambit sits back casually in his chair, and the Backwater Boys chuckle to one another moronically, Blackjack shuffles a deck of playing cards, and then begins to deal to each player on the table.

Gambit leans over to Blackjack, a frown upon his face.

"Hey, 'Jack... reckon you could've gotten us something a bit more challenging other than that trio of trailer park trash over there?" Gambit nods over to the Boys, who are chuckling nonsensically at seemingly nothing in particular.

"There's plenty of queers over there if you'd prefer, Greg," Blackjack grunts, tilting his head over to the cornecopia of oddities that have assembled at the other end of the Lounge.

"I'd like to keep my second virginity intact, if you know what I mean. Thanks all the same." Gambit curls his lip at the sight of Totally Fabulous. "Anyway, let's get this show on the ride."

Blackjack deals out the cards, and all the turns are taken. Gambit takes his hand, and looks out across the Backwater Boys, a smirk on his face. Alyss looks at his hand and sniggers, before Gambit slams down his hand. Royal Flush.

"Flush, ladies. Looks like you three will be eating roadkill for another night tonight, boys." Gambit laughs to himself as his rakes in the cash put up for betting. Just then, a loud bang is heard, as Cooter smashes his fist off the table.

"Ah doesn't knows how t'play this hyar game, Cletus," Cooter bellows, furrowing his brow and running his hands through his non-existant hair in frustration. Cletus tries to console Cooter, patting him on the back.

"Its okay, Cooter, yo' jest got some bad luck. Shet mah mouth!" Proclaims Cletus. Jebidiah slams the table himself and jumps to his feet.

"Bad luck mah ass! Thet deck is loaded, Gambit! Fry mah hide! No way kin yo' keep gittin' thet kind of luck!" Jebidiah exclaims loudly.

"Hey, its not my fault you hee haws can't play cards for sh!t", Gambit says matter-of-factly.

"Whut in tarnation did he call mah Mammy?" Cooter explodes, his face going a wonderful shade of beetroot red.

"Easy, buddy- take some deep breaths an' relax-"

Cletus tries to soothe Cooter, but its no use- Cooter has already flipped the table over in a tantrum, sending money and playing cards everywhere. Cletus jumps on Cooters back and tries to restrain him, but Cooter flips Cletus off into the wreckage. Then, with a roar, Cooter picks up a bar stall and hurls it at Gambit. Gambit grabs hold of Alyss, who screams, and the two dive to the floor in evasion.

"That's it..." Blackjack growls, cracking his knuckles and advancing on Cooter and Jebidiah.

(TBC by anyone)

[RyanBow412]

Water catches a glimpse of Ryan getting carried away by Dan and gives him a salute.

"Oh damn."

Water runs to Dan and takes Ryan off his shoulders.

"Hell no! Hell no!"

"What's wrong dahling? You don't think I can take care of him?"

"Yes I do, and that's why I'm afraid."

"Oh, you want him?"

"Yes. I'll take care of him."

Dan giggles as Water realizes what he just said.

"Wait! Not like that! I mean he can crash at his own place. As long as Shaunna is sober, he can get home no problem."

Dan puts on a pouting face as Water takes Ryan and slumps him at the table with Shaunna and EHDP.

"There. No raping tonight!"

"Heyyyyy. You're that Water guy from VCW!"

Ryan looks at Shaunna.

"And you're Shaunna! Gotta say, your boyfriend is a jackass! You should ditch him! Go with me!"

"Yea..."

"Okay, sleepy time now."

Ryan slams his head onto the table and begins to snore

Water dusts his hands off and heads over to Burton.

"What's the big idea of giving Ryan to Dan? Of all people, Dan!"

[Juan Hefe]

Burton looks at Water in confusion.

"Hey man, that wasn't me! Although it's a pretty good trick to play on someone who values his anal cherry."

Kaelan sprays beer all over the table in disgust.

"Damn it Burton! Canny yer clap oi'm tryin' ter pretend oi'm not in a gay boozer 'ere?!? "

"So if it wasn't you, who the hell was it? I want answers and I want them yesterday!"

Knight downs the rest of his brew and politely points a finger up in the air.

"'A is that possible Water? We 're 'ere today and if ya 'ad your answers yesterday, ya wouldn't be 'ere askin' us today na would ya? Am I makin' any Eigh'een Pence?"

"I have no idea man! You're accent is as thick as Cooter and twice as hard to understand as the relationship between Eucalyptus and Francisco! Can someone please translate what he just said?"

Kaelan gets up and claps Water on the shoulder.

"It wus me lad. Nigh, yer better go luk after yisser mucker cos it seems loike dat wee bald 'eaded paddy is aboyt ter start makin' oyt wi' 'im. "

Water spins his head back towards his table and squeals in horror as he sees Bowdridge about to make out with the little bald headed dude. Meanwhile, Shaunna and EHDP are nowhere to be seen.

"Damn it! We'll settle this later Kaelan! Hold on Ryan! I'm coming buddy!!!"

[RyanBow412]

Water sprints to Ryan and tackles him before anything happens. He gets up and shakes his head.

"It is NOT your night, is it?"

Ryan giggles like an idiot.

"Christ, it's like dealing with a child."

Water grabs Ryan and carries him out the club and tosses him in Ryan's car and locks the doors.

"There, you're no harm to anyone here."

Water returns to the club and approaches Kaelan.

"Repeat what you said before, but in English."

[Vertigolowe]

Water re-enters the bar, the bouncers have now long-since given up bothering trying to get people to pay the cover. He is on his way toward Kaelan, but is immediately stopped though as Eucalyptus come sup to him.

"Um, so, like how's it going big guy? Are you back all the way from that injury, cause like, this one time I had the same problem....

Water tunes her out completely, instead looking around at the chaotic bar-room. He happens to glance over his shoulder toward the parking lot and sees Fab Dan running a clothes hanger down the window of Ryan's car, trying to pop the lock.

Water looks back at 'Lyptus who has stopped her story and has a sheepish grin on her face. He shakes his head at her.

"Nice distraction, but that is NOT cool!"

Water turns around runs out into the parking lot, chasing off Dan who prances off back into the bar. Water pulls the hanger out of the door and peaks inside. Ryan is curled up in the fetal position sucking his thumb.

"Aww, now isn't that just the cutest thing."